Creatures of Bureaucracy

The Kingdom of Thailand was a fairly tropical country. This meant that there was a natural abundance of bloodsucking mosquitoes. Of course this was nothing unexpected to Pancho’s well traveled self; however there was a minor detail he was unaware of when he arrived. Some of these mosquitoes grew to monstrous sizes, where a bite would swell up to a mountain that could easily be mistaken for an extra limb.
Occasionally these beasts would infiltrate Pancho’s room and bathroom. If they made it into his room it became an especially riveting nuisance. They would search out any possibility to bite their favourite spot which was around the feet and ankles. The worst was in fact if they managed to attack through the soles of the feet. The resulting itch would be bad enough to actually wake Pancho up from deep slumber. He did manage to mount an effective defence by using the cover during the cold season, however when it was hot the only available protection was the fan that would hopefully blow the pesky bloodsuckers away. In the end Pancho always had to hope that the mosquitoes would eventually die of hunger or be eaten by one of the numerous spiders. In fact that hope was one of the reasons why Pancho had become fond of the many little spiders and their homely cobwebs in the corners of his room. Although he had a natural aversion against these eight legged creatures their small size ensured that they did not bother his busy mind. However, there was one spider that stood out.
In fact it stood out so significantly in terms of size that he would never have accepted it in his room (He had to chase it out once). But in his bathroom matters were different. Here it could be counted as his pet. It was a well sized huntsman that especially liked to position its self in the middle of the room. So every morning Pancho, in his gracious nature used the shower to herd his little friend into a safe place.
Compared to his room, the bathroom also proved an effective hunting ground for mosquitoes. Pancho’s keen eyes could pick them out more easily from the light background of the room as well as hear them better in the confined space. It was actually a relatively enjoyable activity. He would enter the bathroom only with a towel and suddenly hear that incredibly annoying buzz. Selflessly using himself as bait he would scan the room for any tiny movement. And SNAP his hands would shoot out and clap a mosquito in mid air or squeeze out its life on the wall.
On one morning, the spider was once again comfortably lazing about in the middle of the room. Not having herded it away yet Pancho’s spectacular hearing ability caught the subtle buzz of a mosquito. Within a few moments the beast had been slain. Being a gracious nature Pancho wanted to ensure that his pet got a balanced diet, so he dropped the dead mosquito next to the spider. No reaction. He tried again, this time dropping it onto the spider (He was quite clever when it came to these matters). Again no reaction. Well, if the stubborn pet refused to eat, Pancho had his morning toilet to get on with and turned on the shower. After a short and as usual frantic escape, Pancho was relaxing on the toilet, deep in the thought. His thoroughly important thoughts were rudely interrupted be the chirping of a bird.
This was nothing special as occasionally a bird or two would land outside of the little window. This window was not closed however. It consisted of two glass panes. The outside one was attached to the top but did not quite reach the bottom of the window while the inside pane was attached to the bottom but did not quite reach the top. Thus there was a gap for air to circulate. And occasionally mosquitoes. At this point in time Pancho’s still drowsy mind was not ready to accept any other kind of circulation. But before he realized anything, that peacefully chirping bird had entered his bathroom and was fluttering around wildly above. Pancho sat there, half ducked in disbelief. He was not really one to dislike birds but for some reason, they had never quite been what Pancho called nice animals, whether they tried to fly into his head, relieved themselves on him or tried to wake him up with their horrendous screeching, there was something about them that did not quite suit Pancho’s taste.
In any case the room was only about 2,50 meters long and 1,50 meters wide which meant hat the bird truly did not have much freedom of movement. Pancho was slightly helpless as to what to do. His current situation made it difficult to run out and get help. Toilet paper was not used in Thailand. And despite there being a little shower head beside the toilet, Pancho held the firm belief that one should have a proper shower before one could go wondering around the place. After a few moments of ducked deliberation he was about to take the risk and rush out. He couldn’t afford to be hit by a bird while showering. Just as he was going to lunge for the door the bird finally landed on the edge of the inside window and disappeared down the gap between the panes. Pancho sighed. Finally able to relax, he went about his business.
The business of the day in fact was the process of extending his visa. The plan was the following. First, drive to near by Amnat Charoen to get a photo taken. Then travel to the necessary immigration office in Khenmarat, which was about 140 kilometers away. And then head home. The first part went smoothly. The photos were taken, and picked up after a short wait. And after a few stops here and there, for his coordinator to get some chores done they set out again. They arrived in Khenmarat at about midday. After having spent half an hour finding the municipal office they finally went inside to get the necessary over and done with. Once inside however they were informed of a small problem. The immigration office had moved to Amnat Charoen a few days ago. Everybody had a good laugh. The coordinator, the advisor, the driver and Pancho himself. In fact Pancho did not mind as it meant he would have a day off school. The others did not mind as it meant they would get out of a boring 3 hour meeting. Thus after having had a quiet lunch right at the Mekong river they set out once again in the opposite direction. Around 3pm they found themselves once again in Amnat Charoen. The office was brand new and actually quite comfortable. The procedure did take a while and Pancho lost a significant amount of money for having to pay for the visa but eventually matters were settled. The Kingdom of Thailand officially allowed Pancho to stay on and further enlighten the masses. And that before the closing hours of 4:30pm! Before setting out on the trip back home a quick break was made at a coffee shop, to fill up the used up energy supply. Pancho returned home at about 6pm. As usual in Thailand, he had lived through an incredibly efficient day.

From Grungteep to Elephant Island

Pancho stepped off the train. It was early morning. The ride had been quite relaxed. In Pancho’s indisputable opinion he had gotten a decent amount of sleep. He immediately went to catch a cab to take him to Khao Sarn road, the seedy location that all western foreign tourists picked to congregate en masse. Pancho and his friends, not knowing Bangkok whatsoever thought it would be easiest and best to find accommodation there. The taxi ride did not take long, and soon after having been ripped off by the driver Pancho was waiting at 8am on a nigh deserted Khao Sarn road to be picked up by his friends and taken to their guesthouse. For they had been in town a few days longer.
Eventually the two appeared and led him back to their residence. Back in the room the three sat down for a while and exchanged news and a few of their very special experiences. Pancho also found out about a shady new contact they had made. An Italian with deep pockets, who was not disinclined to indulge them. The three friends were evidently charmed by this generous liquidity, though despite not having met him in person Pancho in his deep wisdom was not quite so convinced. In fact they had just returned from a thorough night out which meant that Pancho had actually had more sleep than they had. This in turn caused a dilemma for Pancho. He was disinclined to spend the day in a hotel room while the others slept off their intoxication. However he did manage to have a nap for a few hours before hunger awoke him and lured him out onto the streets. He semy satisfied the desire for food with an overpriced and pitifully attempted interpretation of an English breakfast and strolled down Khao Sarn road inspecting the goods on offer. Pancho, in his far traveled experience was slightly disappointed as he found many things on offer could just as well be bought in other tourist spots around the world. They were the usual tourist regalia that really did not have anything to do with Thailand or Bangkok. A shame really.
Of course Pancho was thus pleased when his friends finally mustered the strength to roll out of bed some time in the after noon.
Their intentions for the day however consisted of once again going out with their new dubious friend. Pancho, being of a slightly more mature outlook on life felt no inclination to spend all his time cajoling around town getting drunk. He rang up an old Thai friend of his he knew lived in Bangkok. Together they spent an enjoyable and relatively tame evening. Pancho’s friend Mars actually showed him a few interesting spots around Bangkok.
Over the following three days further foreigners on the same program joined their endeavors. The evenings generally turned into social gatherings involved in a light hearted occasional nightcap while what was left of the days was planned out by Pancho to visit different markets. Luckily this assault on Pancho’s finances only lasted a few days, the last one being the most interesting.
Sometime close to midnight the whole group of foreign teachers, and they were not few, headed out lead by the Italian and his brothers and friends. They casually dropped by fancy local night club. Pancho generally did not hold the expensive and fancy night clubs in high esteem, they tended to attract the dregs of wannabe high society, however this location was in fact very comfortable and a place worthy of his eminent presence. After Pancho had had several interesting conversations ranging from the intellectual and political to the topic of the simple pleasures of life the group finally decided that the time had come to leave.
Despite it actually being early morning already this proved the most interesting part of the night. On exiting the premises the Italians seemed to get into a bit of a fistfight with a bunch of Nigerians. Now Pancho was not disinclined to an occasional rough scruff with the local gangsters but he had no standpoint in this matter so simply stood aside waiting and watching. He had actually no desire to get himself injured or killed at the start of his holidays. While the shouting and occasional shoving went on for a while Pancho finally decided that he was hungry. The first sun rays were creeping through the alleys. So his good friend Robert and him made their way back to the bar in front of their guesthouse that served anything 24/7.
In addition to their satisfying breakfast Pancho, Robert a few of the other foreigners who had joined them were to witness a further outbreak of violence. Sitting at a table outside Pancho watched as one of the restaurant staff came backing out of the restaurant while some drunk, scruffy looking foreigner was trying to pour the contents of his drink over him. With his interest in cultural differences Pancho was fascinated to watch the reaction that took place. The foreigner’s action understandably did not go down too well with the rest of the restaurant staff.
In conclusion one can say that the foreigner most definitely learned the lesson the hard way. The punches and kicks of the whole restaurant staff would have most definitely left painful reminders. Despite his wisdom and previous conviction not to attempt such foolish behaviour this event strengthened his resolve. Do not start a fight with any restaurant or bar staff, or maybe any Thai at all for that matter. By the looks of things it was something that seemed destined to end badly. And in any case, he had never experienced a situation that could not be solved in a gentlemanly manner.
Following the night’s exciting entertainment Pancho and Robert convened on the further plan of action. Their intent had been to travel to Elephant Island that same day. Not having had any sleep the question arose at what time they were to head out. Pancho, by use of his unquestionably immense authority quickly made a decision. The time spent on catching up on sleep at the hotel would be a thorough waste, thus it was wisest to sleep on the bus to Elephant Island. Robert thoroughly agreed with this flawless conclusion. Thus the two sat around and chatted with some of the other foreigners while waiting for the time of departure. Their friend Phil had disappeared upstairs to have a nap and the other foreign exchange teachers (all female) had decided that they would wait around till midday to leave. Pancho was internally relieved that he did not have to travel with these buffoons. They had proven to be very tiresome companions who were not able to take care of themselves in any way whatsoever. I fact they were unbelievably adept at being a helpless bunch of good for nothings. He also could see impending disaster for those people. Getting to Elephant Island involved a lengthy bus ride as well as catching a ferry. Leaving that too late was not a good idea considering that one had to find accommodation on the island itself.
Pancho, Robert and Phil thus made a wise choice.
In the early afternoon they had arrived a the quay where the ferry was to cross over in 45 min. At this point Pancho received a distressed phone call from that helpless female delegation back in Bangkok. They had been told that there was only one bus to get to the island. Not feeling inclined to spend his time giving advice on the matter Pancho told them to stay another night and catch the early bus the next day (There was no will to even attempt the logical next step of asking another information source). They had been warned repeatedly and therefore Pancho had no desire to take responsibility for their spectacular incompetence. In fact it later turned out that there were a significant number of buses that went throughout the day, which just proved their inability to be even more astounding.
In the mean time, Pancho’s and his companions’ crossing to the island was fairly uneventful with the exception of the three gentleman’s choice in beverage. This choice fell on a very fine energy drink by the name of M150. They already had had several over the past 24 hours whenever they had become dangerously tired. And it worked fantastically although it tended to cause a slight giddiness in the brain region..
Once on the island the three stopped at the first beach they came upon. It was the main tourist beach and in their proven considerable opinion was a good starting base to figure out how life on the island worked.
The center of the island consisted of steep mountains, the highest one rising to about 800m. Thus while relaxing in the warm water the setting sun illuminated the mountains behind the beach in a fantastic display of otherworldly colours. Sadly Pancho’s camera was back in their relatively distant guesthouse room.
In contrast to the sunset the evening turned out to be an utter disappointment. Phil, giving in to his occasional lapses of wimpiness decided that he should sleep for a few hours before coming out in the evening. Robert and Pancho were quite explicit on the fact that this meant he would be out for the night. However even Pancho’s unmistakable genius on these matters could not convince the boy. Thus Robert and Pancho were on their own. It did not make much difference as the whole beach front restaurants and bars were literally deserted. Thus it was less of a coincidence than one would expect that Pancho and Robert ended up having an amiable chat with two ladies, the only ladies present that hadn’t come with husband and children, on a holiday from Canada.
The women, being still tired from the traveling and not very versed in the profession of overcoming jetlag retreated far too early for Pancho’s and Robert’s liking. It was barely 9pm and it seemed as if everything was dying down already. So after a quick splash in the refreshingly warm sea the two jolly good fellows called it a night themselves.
The following day, they decided to quickly get out of the place and find another beach, renowned for its many backpacker tourists. Pancho, not having been in contact with anybody speaking any other language than Thai or Lao (except for the buffoon squadron heading over from Bangkok) was in need of meeting new people, foreigners that is.
The second beach was a vast improvement. Firstly it proved to be far less developed than the first, more secluded and yet at the same time more filled with life as there seemed to be more guests. The other beach had been largely visited by families, this one however despite being mainly couples had a more lively, interesting and inviting atmosphere.
The three men spent their next 4 nights at this beach, meeting several new people and having a very relaxing time for the most of it. The rest of the group did finally make it to the island as well, but as before they tended to be more of an uninteresting nuisance. For some reason the only thing one could consider them to be good at was complaining and being mind numbingly boring do speak to. Another only slightly negative aspect was the weather. Pancho had looked forward to his time at the beach in the sun. He was however a tad disappointed when all he got was rain after rain after rain.
The worst case of rain was actually on the day he left the island. Pancho had woken up early to have a quiet breakfast and catch the minibus to the pier. The relentlessly pummeling rain turned this into a wet adventure however. Firstly when getting on the minibus (one of those pick up trucks with roofed benches on the back) Pancho was the last of several people who squeezed on. This meant that he was positioned right at the back and frequently was engulfed by the small waterfall that came down from the roof. By the time he reached the pier he was completely soaked. This matter did not improve as the rain continued to pour down and drench everything it touched while he walked to the ferry and after crossing over, to the bus.
Finally in the bus, he changed into a set of fresh clothes that meant he would not freeze to death in the air conditioned air. It was midday by now and Pancho had high hopes if reaching Bangkok by the late afternoon in order to catch the bus back to Phunee. He felt slightly inconvenienced when the bus ride to Bangkok itself lasted till 8pm. This had the unfortunate result that the bus to Phunee was sold out already when Pancho attempted to buy a ticket. He would have to take a detour to Ubon. After having bought his ticket, run around looking for his bus with people being idiots and seemingly not understanding his questions and losing half of his ticket he finally found his seat on the correct bus and could lean back in his usual good humoured way.
The ride was relatively acceptable Pancho found. He did manage to catch a spot of sleep and finally arrived in Ubon at 6am. Here he had to wait for the local pick up bus to take him to Phunee. After having had breakfast and waiting for several hours during which many people stopped and decided to ask Pancho where he was heading, and falling asleep a dozen times the minibus finally arrived.
Once on it, Pancho did his best keep his nodding head upright and eventually did arrive home after approximately 24 hours of travel.
Pancho was relieved. Before the holiday he had looked forward to getting away from Phunee, but now he was delirious to be back. He was once again able to eat home made food, not have to spend money on overpriced meals, not be ripped off as a foreigner or evade any of the other unpleasant events that tend to happen to foreigners while traveling through touristy areas of Thailand. Home sweet home it was.

Firecar to Bangkok

Following the highlights of Pancho’s trip to Loey he recuperated and relaxed for a quiet two days at home before heading off to the Kingdom’s capital, Bangkok. Pancho had booked the over night train. It had several advantages over the overnight busses in Thailand. First of all he would be able to actually sleep in a bed (or bunk) instead of being squeezed into a seating position for 10 hours. Additionally he had the choice to book different classes and his choice wisely fell on the electric fan cooled class instead of the usual Thai air conditioning induced death by freezing.
Pancho had informed his host mother of his departure on that Wednesday evening as he required somebody to drive him to Ubon Ratchatani. This had the wonderful benefit of not having to leave many hours before the train departure, while catching several busses. The train departed at 7:30pm officially. Pancho, his usual highly effective/efficient self was thus ready to leave at around 6, his bags fully packed and dressed to go.
His host parents had been gone on a short trip to Laos but his host mother had asserted that she would be back in time to fulfil her sacred duty of supplying transportation. That Wednesday a hint of worry settled on Pancho’s mind when she had still not returned towards 6pm. Nevertheless with a hopeful disposition he carried his bag to the outside living area and decided to wait there. Kunyay, his host grandmother was busy entertaining one of her friends at the time. The question she asked Pancho as she saw him carrying his packed bag unsettled him further. “Where are you going?” In his broken Thai responded confidently that he was heading to Bangkok. But he could not help the impression dawning on him that something was not quite right after all. Like the bright minded chap he was Pancho got out his train ticket and showed it to Kunyay, hoping to make himself better understood. It worked fantastically. Kunyay got a hold of her mobile phone and called her daughter, Pancho’s host mother. She was evidently determined to get to the bottom of this mystery. When Pancho was finally put on the phone it turned out that there had been a slight misunderstanding in terms of dates. His host mother had thought he was departing on the following day. The thought of having to wait another day for sweet sweet freedom mate Pancho’s stomach sink. Doubt finally crept into his optimistic demeanour. He called his advisor. After thinking about driving Pancho herself, looking at the time, she responsibly decided it would be wisest to cancel the train ticket and get a refund. It was close to 6:30 now and the drive to Ubon usually took an hour. In addition the train station was on the other side of the city…
But Pancho was not in the frame of mind to be responsible. In fact, as one of his many gifts irresponsibility had served him very well throughout his life. This lack of responsibility was partly due to the unclear conversation he had had with his host mother on the phone. From this conversation he maintained the slight hope that one of the family workers would attempt to drive him.
The worker showed up at about 6:40pm. By now Pancho was getting a tad worried about not being able to make it on time. His levels of responsibility were clearly on the increase. As much as he liked it in Phunee, he had been looking forward to a break and some freedom for one and a half weeks. Then, as he loaded his bag into the car his advisor called again and informed Pancho that the train was running late, so that there might be the possibility of making it. Responsibility once again vanished from Pancho’s vast and impressive vocabulary. They got into the car. The driver looked at the dashboard and said something to himself in Thai. Pancho was not sure what it was, but there seemed to be no inclination to start the journey. Instead the driver called out for Kunyay who had disappeared off. After an agonizingly slow minute she finally came hobbling along and the driver repeated what he had said earlier. Pancho was being sucked into the depths of desperation now. He really did not want to miss this train. So he applied his infallible brain to the issue at hand. The result was that it guessed that there must not be enough fuel in the car and that the driver was asking for money. Not in any desire to wait any longer Pancho asked how much money was needed. The grey matter had seemed to have interpreted the situation correctly. 500 Baht was the reply. Not willing to risk a longer wait Pancho decided that catching the train was worth the money (irresponsible really…). He gargled a bunch of Thai words out that corresponded to “I have plenty of money, I can pay for the petrol”. Kunyay had still not appeared back with the money. Thus the driver correctly interpreting the lack of time in this dire situation and set out on the road.
On the way, Pancho was his absolutely delighted and relaxed self when they had to additionally stop for petrol. Of course Pancho’s intellect caught on about the notion of sliming chances to catch this train. When they finally reached Ubon the clock already said 7:35pm and now there was the slow traffic to circumvent to get to the train station. Pancho giving up hope at an ever increasing speed was starting to accept the inevitable. But a glimmer of hope remained as the driver said he could always catch a bus. Deciding to give in to fate Pancho leant back and watched as events unfolded. Fate had won this time. They arrived at the train station at 7:45pm. Devoid of close to all hope they semi heartedly rushed inside and asked at the information desk. Pancho hung in the balance, half hopeful half resigned (there was always the chance of an unexpected ally having popped up to save the day for him). They were told the train had not left yet. And there it was! The break Pancho had been hoping for. They rushed to the platform where the train stood and along the carriages. Pancho was delighted. He had made it after all. It turned out that his carriage had not even been added to the train which meant they had to wait a further 10 minutes. Oh how Pancho rejoiced in the bad organisation of the Thai Railway Authority. Despite everything being poised against his success, he had made it after all. And finally, 10 minutes later, actually it was more in the vicinity of 30 minutes later, he was off, lying down in his just big enough bunk, riding the train towards a much needed holiday, fate having taken another blow from the most irresistible force of the universe, Pancho Wodehouse.

The Ups and Downs of Loey

Finally it had arrived. After his first term of teaching in Phunee, the time for exams and holidays was imminent. As Pancho was not involved Exams this meant he actually had two weeks of holidays. The first weekend he had been invited to join the family’s tour bus for a trip to the north of Esarn, to the mountainous province of Loey. Following that he would be off to the Bangkok and the sea to meet some fellow foreigners also teaching in Thailand.
But first, the mountains of Loey called. The tour bus left on the last school day, on Friday afternoon. This meant that Pancho was relieved from the last class of the day (that 130 student behemoth). He dearly regretted not being able to pass on his infinite knowledge to these young moldable minds but he knew that there would be ample opportunity in the long run.
The tour bus left with two of the family workers and a newly employed driver. The trip initially took the four to Roi Et where they “camped out” out at a school overnight in order to depart at about 5am, with their newly arrived guests. Pancho was quite happy to be finally get out of Phunee for a bit, to breathe some of the worldly air, to live life on the road. Little did he know that he was setting out on a tiresome journey that would test his patience and good will to the utmost. The tour bus’s passengers were a Thai language department from the school in Roi Et. The organiser was an old friend of Pancho’s host mother’s which meant he would be well taken care of or so he thought.
The first night was thus spent in the school waiting for the morning to arrive. Bathing was conducted outside on the pavement of the school parking lot. This kind of lavish and luxurious bathing ceremony was not something Pancho was accustomed to, yet with his well placed confidence he had no problem adapting.
Eventually the four men lay down to rest, inside the bus. Pancho was positioned on one of the benches on the upper deck, for it was a double decker bus. Generally speaking he could sleep anywhere, no matter whether the floor was hard or the air was filled with blaring of car horns. This time however he was in for a challenge. The bench was first of all too short for his imploring physique. Thus he was forced to angle his legs in an awkward position. This Pancho mastered with perfection. Additionally the bench was not wide enough for a person to roll around, so changing positions during the night proved challenging. Pancho, with his stupendous patience, could deal with this in a humorous manner. The real issues however arose when he had finally settled down and was trying to find slumber. A horrendous sound rang in his ear. Pancho groaned inwardly. He knew without a doubt, that the bane of restful repose had come to torture him that night. The bus was infested with mosquitoes. Pancho having the delicious blood of a foreigner these bloodsucking beasts assaulted him throughout the night. Additional to the considerable loss of blood, the constant buzz in his ears proved treacherous to any attempt at sleeping. To top of the matter, one of the family worker’s was sleeping beside Pancho on the floor. He was a nice enough fellow and very easy to get along with. And yet this could not prevent a slight annoyance in Pancho. He had never heard such a hideously loud snoring before. Not only was it loud but also utterly uneven, bursting up loudly before stuttering to a halt and slowly gargling to new levels of loudness. These minor inconveniences made it increasingly difficult for Pancho to find repose. And yet, despite the hideous ordeal of being woken an infinite amount of times, Pancho “stood” firm to tell the tale. He was up before dawn to politely stand aside for the arriving guests.
Standing there while the passengers arrived he felt caught between two worlds. Pancho was definitely not one of the usual bus attendants and yet he did not count as one of the guests. Thus thinking it prudent, he chose to retreat into the driver’s cabin.
After having traveled for a few hours the bus made a rest stop. Pancho was now invariably called upon to join the guests by his host mother’s friend. She seemed nice enough and introduced him to the group of teachers playing a card game in the back of the bus. Pancho was quickly integrated into this fiendish circle of gambling craze as the card dealer. He would receive minimum tips every time the guy playing as the bank did well. Pancho initially quite enjoyed this man’s demeanor and air. He was dressed very unlike Thais with a tank top while wearing sunglasses and a stylish hat which he would use as a money basket. He also enjoyed using a phallic symbol to work black magic on the other players in order to jinx the game.
So Pancho managed to relax, trying to figure out the rules of the game. After several hours of playing he had only barely figured it out. The amount of tips he was receiving was becoming considerable however so he thought it wise not to complain. What a marvelous head this Pancho had on his shoulders.
When lunch time came around the bus stopped at a lake with roofed floats that served as eating areas. Pancho, after about 6 hours of dealing cards had quite enough and thought lunch would be a nice break. Yet gambling had become so essential to these poor soles that it even continued during the meal. Again Pancho groaned inwardly, what happened to those simple conversations over meal time, in which Pancho did not understand a word…
After the meal Pancho finally said he had had enough for a while and was gratiously granted repose. This only lasted till they reached the hotel however, where having been invited to share a room with many of the teachers Pancho was recruited as the card dealer yet again.
He was quite happy over his earnings, considering he had expected to spend money instead of earning any, however the constant looking at cards, suits and numbers made his head slightly queasy.
Eventually they sat down for dinner at the hotel. The Karaoke machine was already set up on stage which did not please Pancho quite as much as the prospect of food.
While he sat at the dinner table debating whether to go to the toilet or not, his stomach was feeling under the weather after a very spicy lunch, he was asked by his hostmother’s friend to follow her. And so he did. Outside, in the hallway, Pancho was then quickly inserted into traditional Thai ceremonial clothes without him actually knowing what for. After standing around cluelessly for a few minutes he was finally told to perform a dance together with the 3 students (2 girls and 1 boy) that had accompanied the trip. Despite Pancho’s usual knowledge of ethnic dances from around the world he did not know how to dance this one. However, there was really little choice after having been told without a doubt that he was going to do it. Thus eventually the performers filed into the room to the sound of traditional Thai music and Pancho was simply to copy the boy’s dance moves. In order to understand Pancho’s inner workings at this time one must be clear that this dance is very feminine and any male performing it automatically looks gay. This is naturally not a problem in Thailand as society traditionally accepts such things, but Pancho felt strangely out of place. Especially since he had finally figured out that the guy with the hat who was the ringleader of card players was himself gay. As this man had been put in charge of taking care of Pancho, he naturally felt slightly uncomfortable. However one could not show this in the very non confrontational society of Thailand. One did not show disapproval directly.
In any case the performance was in order to farewell two retiring colleagues who were later given roses by everyone and luckily held very short speeches. There were also additional performances or dances, one of these involved many women and 2 men, who dressed up as women. One of these was the gay man in charge of Pancho.
Naturally he felt again a tad uncomfortable when he was informed that he would share a double bed with this man. This was of course his subjective masculinity speaking here. But realistically he could not share a bed with a female teacher so despite feeling so, he was not being set up.
This did not help his feeling of safety however. He made sure he slept fully clothed, ready to jump up and defend himself.
That night, nothing happened…
But the next morning, thinking she was being one of the funny kind, his hostmother’s friend asked Pancho whether anything had happened last night. For some mysterious reason Pancho did not find this quite as amusing as she did. but there was nothing to be said. They were providing for him and he was their guest without means of escape. So, he had to knuckle down and get through it. He smiled politely and acted all innocently.
The rest of the trip was filled with a few visits to temples as well as beautiful sightseeing spots of mountains. Some of the mountains on this trip were the kind you only get in Asia, that rise like steep cliffs out of seemingly nowhere. These sights were quite to Pancho’s exquisite tastes and compensated only slightly for the ordeals he had to endure.
Eventually the bus started heading back home again and Pancho had finally made a clear statement that he was retiring from the card dealing industry. Never the less the gambling went on and on. Instead Pancho was asked to perform some karaoke songs, which finally he had to give in to. At that point in time he really just wanted to be left alone. In Thailand one would often be paraded around as a foreigner. This could be quite enjoyable, after a while it became nothing more than a nuisance. After all, one did have an own agenda and life to get on with.
The last stretch of the trip was the climax of suffering for Pancho. He was terrorized by two demons so evil that Pancho lacked the words to describe them. They looked all innocent and sweet, but below the cute exterior lay hearts of utter darkness and minds as pitch black as the deepest depths of the universe. They were two little girls, younger than 10. They would ask how to ask something in English from his hostmother’s friend, who sat on the lower deck of the bus and then would race back up and ask Pancho who would answer diligently. Pancho thought this not too bad, though it was a tad annoying after about an hour of it. But before he knew it, the two demons launched their true assault. They seemed to misunderstand the concepts of teacher and student and decided that it was their duty to teach Pancho English... Thus he had to endure their questioning him what different colours were in English. Pancho could not give in to this game. If he did, his soul would be eternally lost. He would have utterly no control over the kids any longer, so he made sure he never did as they told him to.
At this point in time Pancho realized that the two were utterly and completely spoiled little brats and in fact was getting quite annoyed. But of course, with all the people around him, he could not show this out of politeness. So he ensued to bore the kids to death and started playing sudoku on his mobile phone while ignoring anything the kids said.
Eventually this cunning plan worked out and tricked the little devils into fleeing the scene. Nothing was more frightening to them than boredom. And Pancho hugely relieved was able to relax and live the rest of the trip in peace.
Once back home however, utterly exhausted, in the middle of the night, Pancho vowed he would not go on such a tour again. And desperately hoped he would be able to keep his vow. It had been a thorough waste of time and barely enjoyable for a fraction of it.
He was exhilirated to be finally free and soon traveling on his own to meet some foreign friends.

Observations on Culture, History and Mindsets

The Kingdom of Thailand had offered Pancho a multitude of new experiences. Although he had decided to describe the most striking in his memoirs, it may be difficult for the reader to relate without an understanding of the cultural background of the region and its people. Thus, in his highly enlightened opinion, Pancho deemed it necessary to give a short discourse on some facts and observations.
Firstly it is important to note, that the north eastern region of Thailand, Esarn, is ethnically and culturally different from the rest of Thailand. Esarn is the region in Thailand with the largest population. And this population is actually largely descendant from Laos. Pancho was not entirely clear on the dates (And a tad to lazy to research them) however the forefathers of the Esarn people were forcibly resettled from Laos to Thailand quite some time ago. This is observable in the Esarn dialect actually being almost identical to Lao, in other words, more Lao than Thai. In fact interestingly, the population of Esarn is far larger than that of Laos. Accordingly, it is important to note that Pancho’s experiences probably only account for the Esarn part of the Thai population. From Pancho’s initial experience Esarn people are far more rurally orientated. They know how to live off the land. For example, on a slaughtered cow very little would go to waste. Most of it would be eaten, including the UDDER and even the stomach lining. Esarn people know many herbs and plants that can be eaten and Pancho these were repeatedly pointed out by his advisor.
One thing Pancho had been told on his orientation was that Thais got bored quickly. As far as Pancho was concerned, from his experience the exact opposite was the case. He found himself getting incredibly bored at times while the people around him droned on and on. This could however also be due to the fact that he lived in the countryside.
Another noteworthy characteristic of the people of north eastern Thailand was their incredibly welcoming nature. They loved having a foreigner learn their ways and live together with them. Thus, as long as one held an open mind and was not disinclined to try out things that seemed completely otherworldly, one could lead a very easy and relaxed life.
There were a few things that Pancho had issues with during his stay however. The first was the relative low education level he found, especially when concerning international matters. People had very little comprehension of how other cultures could be different, including mentality and also environments. Pancho put this down to the countryside lifestyle but Thais were left quite unaware of the outside world. This was naturally highly evident when trying to teach English concepts or even trying to learn Thai. People who had had little contact with learning English had absolutely no conception of how language could involve a different way of thinking or even pronunciation. Thai and Lao being tonal languages, it was not understood that the tone would rise for questions in English or that meaning was conferred through tone in English by applying it to the whole sentence instead of individual words. In Pancho’s opinion it is mistakenly taught that Thai is a tonal language while English or western languages aren’t. While in Thai the meaning of an individual word may change with a different tone, in English it is the connotation of the sentence that changes with tone or what we normally call emphasis. For instance
“How are YOU?” implies something different to “How ARE you?” Understanding such differences and others such as the fact that western foreigners have trouble getting used to the tonal differences in words but not sentences makes a large difference when interacting with Thais. As an example, Piu who spoke good English would understand Pancho’ despite his initially often mixed up use of tones and pronunciation of words. Pinball in contrast would not even be able to guess out of the context what Pancho meant despite pronunciation only being slightly off. This could be very frustrating as the conversational partner would simply lack the capacity to imagine what Pancho could possibly mean. In contrast Pancho himself was highly adept at guessing meanings out of the context even when pronunciation was utterly off or descriptions incoherent. As a matter of fact, initially conversing with his host father was conducted with hands and feet and a wild array of guesses.
The general lack of imagination and also unknowing about foreign countries stemmed mainly from the culture and teaching methods. As Pancho had experienced before in Japan, people were not taught to think for themselves. Classes were taught in a head on approach where students were generally expected to just sit around and listen. Naturally this did not work at all with teaching languages as it requires a conscious effort by the learner to think and speak himself.
The situation was complex either way. To a certain extent the culture of Esarn probably had a large influence on things (supposedly ethnic Thais were lazier than the actually hardworking, mainly poor farmers of Esarn), at the same time the general Asian culture of education as well as the countryside life style had an effect on people. Books were hardly read, Pancho had actually only seen very few, TV was watched extensively, while the internet was primarily used to play games. Living in the Esarn countryside required a significant expenditure of energy. People had their jobs such as teachers but were often also farmers or helped their farming relatives in the growing and harvesting of rice. At the same time preparation of food involved a lot of time as fish or frogs would be caught or chicken would have to be slaughtered. In essence not much time or energy remained to expand the barriers of the mind.
An effect this lifestyle had that Pancho noticed quite early on was that the upper classes only had a few male students. Pancho was not clear on whether the students simply chose not to come to classes or whether they had dropped out, however either way this did not bode well for educational levels.
The effect that this cultural seclusion and educational barriers had were noticeable in some classes, where Pancho would repeatedly try to teach the students simple patterns of English language use and yet week after week students would not remember and have to learn everything anew. This was naturally frustrating as Pancho felt no eagerness to further invest time and energy when it was clearly wasted.
Thus Pancho’s experiences are hard to understand if one has not actually experienced the country and people personally. However not understanding how another culture’s brain and thinking method might be different is a valuable lesson to learn in itself. Many people, not only those of Esarn, fail to realize and understand this great difference.

Pursuit of Happiness

Pancho had been in Phunee for a little over a month now. He was due to travel south with some of his foreign friends in a few weeks which meant that he needed to replenish his dwindling cash reserves. For the occasion of his host father’s birthday PIU, his host sister was coming back from Bangkok. That saturday the three children of the family, Piu, Pinball and Pancho were to travel to Ubon together and enjoy a day out.
As there was only one secluded ATM in Phunee, Pancho, thinking ahead as usual, saw this opportunity to retrieve money from his home country. Having had to wait several hours for Pinball to shower and shave, Thai people were very superficially aware, the three finally set off around noon time. Their first stop led them to one of Ubon’s shopping arcades (This was a particularly measly one). Pancho once again having a hinting apprehension of looming disaster was eager to try out his card on one of the ATM machines. Thus while Pinball parked the car adeptly Pancho got out and approached the ATM in the car park. As he had expected, it decided not to dispense any money. In addition it spewed out a cryptic message, in English, that made no sense whatsoever. Some nonsense about the screen being wrong. Just to make sure, Pancho unhopefully tried again. PIU walked past in that moment and her English being exceptionally good for Thai standards he asked her to translate what the machine said in Thai. Her confused expression eventually told him that the Thai message was just as nonsensical.
The three had a slight issue now. Not having any money Pancho could not really do the shopping he had intended to. He especially wanted to buy a cheap guitar for entertainment on his travels. He found several other ATMs but each single one seemed to have some issue or another. Pancho’s heart simply throbbed with love for technology that did not work the way it was supposed to. But what made Pancho truly jubilate was that it was impossible to find out whether it was the ATMs that did not accept the foreign card or whether it was the card that did not function.
Over a Vietnamese Lunch Pancho let the annoyance briefly overcome him. It would be a lot of work to sort this thing out and the real issue was that Ubon was too far away to simply hop over and try it out again.
Eventually resigning to his fate he made the wise decision to just enjoy the day. They would still be able to browse for guitars without buying after all. But before this enjoyable part PIU had to buy her return plane ticket to Bangkok. This was only possible at the actual airport. Pancho found small airports quite fascinating. They felt more like a trainstation that an airport. While PIU rushed inside to purchase her ride home, Pinball and Pancho waited in the car in front of the terminal. Out of nowhere two ladies walked by in front of the car. There being nothing else to do, or to converse about (limited vocabulary tends to have this effect) Pinball asked Pancho whether he thought them pretty. Only having caught a glimpse of them and wanting to position himself tactically soundly (He was not sure whether to be truthful or always say that Thai women were beautiful) He simply said he had not seen properly. The two men not wanting to sit around any longer decided to inspect more closely. They followed the ladies into the terminal. Inside it was easy to tell that not many flights actually left from this airport. The emptiness was nearly overwhelming. Pancho’s X-ray like gaze finally spied the two women standing in front of a bank. Seeing an ATM close beside them his extraordinarily bright self realized that he had a perfectly legitimate excuse to get closer. Thus he casually strolled over to use the ATM. Just having stuck his card into the machine he realized that these women were not at all of his taste. In fact without trying to be rude, they made a very good impression from behind, but their faces were a dire disappointment. Pancho turned away quickly. Not wanting to blow his cover, especially after his little realization, he thought he may as well actually try the ATM. This proved to be a most extraordinary turn of events that not even good old Pancho had anticipated.
And to his amazement the machine actually paid out the required amount of money to him. Pancho could not quite believe it. Overjoyed at being solvent once again and amazed at his luck (or had he just been incredibly unlucky before?) he returned to Pinball, who had evidently made the same observation about the girls.
Thoroughly relieved that Pancho had been spared further hassles in this matter he managed to enjoy the rest of the afternoon thoroughly, including the purchase of a cheap guitar (It turned out that the guitar quality was even cheaper than the price)

Banok, Banok! (Countryside, countryside)

Pancho lived in the country. This was what he believed to be the proper country side in Thailand. Considering there was little else than rice fields around the village one could assume that Pancho was correct, as he usually was.
But as he had experienced so often before, the kingdom of Thailand was full of surprises. On a singularly normal day he was invited by his program coordinator to join another teacher and her in their visit to her sister. This sister’s house, he was informed, was situated in the real countryside. Pancho had no idea what to expect until the car left the highway, then the proper road, then the pothole filled road, then the strange cement road that they have in small countryside villages, and when they even left the usual dusty field road and found themselves traveling along a strip of dust in between fields and jungle he sort of managed to get an inkling of what had been meant. Somewhere along this winding off road track was finally his coordinator’s sister’s house. It was in the middle of the forest. Ponds surrounded it on every side. One of these was actually quite large and clear and used for bathing. However, what impressed Pancho most was the serene quietness of the place. One could hear no cars or any other indications of “civilization”. The House did not even have electricity as Pancho found out. What made people move from a “civilized” job and home in Bangkok to the exact opposite in the country side was somewhat of a mystery to him, however he could definitely understand the beauty and tranquility of the place. Still, having to travel a few kilometers before one even got a glimpse of another person was something he might enjoy on a holiday but not as a constant living situation. Pancho needed people that he could inspire with his greatness. Individuals that he could show the beauty of life to and the supreme ability that one could achieve within. The 10 puppies in this place, called Kapok, Kapek, Kapik, Kadok, Kadek, Kadik... could not really replace this.
None the less Pancho enjoyed his visit in the real country side. He actually noticed that he had completely missed his afternoon classes due to this excursion. In light of the special experience he did not think it was that dramatic, especially since he really doubted that the children actually remembered anything as soon as they left the class room.
One the way home Pancho noticed something for the first time while being in Thailand. He had overseen it many times but afterwards saw them everywhere. It was a hemp plantation. At first Pancho did not quite trust his keen eyesight, but while driving along the dusty tracks he turned his head fully to witness the sight and was more than surprised to see it. Something so blatant would be impossible in most densely populated and “civilized” countries. But here, where things were held more agricultural and the whole village depended on the farmers’ income such things seemed to be the way of life. As Pancho had not witnessed any Thais actually consuming marijuana he guessed that it was cultivated for export. Another western influence on Thailand that seemed to be all about making money.

Weakness? Please...

Pancho, in his insatiable drive for excellence was close to being as perfect as any human could possibly be. He had a vast intellect not measurable by any means. Socially he was so extravagantly adept that not even unconquerable cultural barriers could mask his charm. Physically, he was as good looking as Eros himself. He had the strength of a hundred men and was as quick as lightning. But really, facing the honest truth, even the most perfect of creations could only be as perfect as his surroundings would let him be. For all his incredible and amazing characteristics he had to have some kind of weakness, some kind of feature that gave the rest of the world a chance against this demigod.
He discovered his first weakness in Thailand. It was an earth shattering moment for Pancho’s infinite self esteem. He finally had to make the regrettable discovery that there were dangers that he could succumb to after all. One of these dangers had been for a month now, the Thai food. He had grown used to the taste and being able to stand the relative spiciness of it when he ate it. But his digestive tract had not grown adapted to it with the speed one would hope. If he ate too much of the very spicy foods (and to western standards these would generally count as deadly) he would soon after recognize a feeling of unease in his belly. This would be the inevitable sign that Pancho would have to visit the bathroom a few times until equilibrium was restored. In order to maintain his social image of being invincible Pancho controlled himself in these circumstances and made sure that the effect on him was not noticeable. His unlimited depth of self discipline made this possible. Except for once. This one time, was not solely due to the food being spicy but more along the lines of Pancho falling into the trap of hubris.
He had once again been invited to lunch by his trusted and dear advisor. The meal was to be held at school and delivered from a restaurant.
In Thailand prepared food was always transported in plastic bags adeptly tied together at the top with a rubber band. This was in fact a very effective way of containing the food. The air pressure within the bag protected the food inside while one could keep sauces and so apart until one actually was about to eat it. Additionally any kind of accidents were virtually impossible due to the airtight seal that the rubber bands created.
For this meal Pancho had chosen a food called Suki. It was a seafood dish, mainly prawns, that was mixed with quite a tasty sauce. Pancho not having prepared food before found that the disaster began unfolding at this point. He was not certain as to how much sauce should go on the meal. So as there was the same amount of sauce bags as meals he logically deduced that it was one bag per meal. Hence Pancho dumped the whole bag on the food. His advisors face instantaneously reacted with a look of surprise and then foreboding. Her words in a joking tone told Pancho not to cry due to the spiciness of the sauce. As a matter of fact Pancho’s already toughened taste buds did not find the meal too spicy. And to begin with he was under the impression that there was the right amount of sauce on the food. The more Pancho had eaten however the more he noticed that the sauce was a certain hindrance when trying to taste the rest of the food. But being quite full already his mind did not waste any further energy on this issue.
This saved energy was fully consumed after the end of school. Just while heading home his gut suddenly felt strangely uncomfortable, something Pancho had not felt before. In his glorious life of exuberant joy he had simply never been acquainted with discomfort. And before he knew it, he was using his stunning physique to rush to the toilet at home. Pancho barely made it without accident, but he made it none the less, keeping the slate clean and his unconquerable might intact.
When he had eventually overcome his gut’s few moments of rebellion he thought the matter had been dealt with. But he was mistaken. Not being experienced in such issues of weakness he was all too gullible in believing that things could go back to what they had been before. Pancho had to rush back to the toilet a further 4 times in order to prevent disaster. His digestive system took a further few days till it functioned properly again and he actually had the impression that it took a few weeks longer than that to fully adapt to the Thai food properly or so he thought. One new thing he had learned however. He would certainly not again drop a complete bag of sauce on any meal ever again, without tasting first.

The days of prohibition

Pancho, being one of healthy European descent was not one to dislike a little treat now and again. A little beer here, some wine there, it was all quite good for the body and soul he was convinced, in moderation naturally.
Just as Thailand had changed his preferences concerning dogs already, he found them an utter nuisance by now, Pancho’s impression of alcohol was changing as well.
Back home he was accustomed to having a drink for the sake of its taste. A healthy Guinness or a full red wine had a certain tasteful allure to them. But in Thailand things were slightly different. Pancho had a knack for making keen observations about cultural discrepancies but this one did not even require a keen eye to notice. In fact it was a special feature of the north eastern region of Thailand as he had been told. This region, called Esan (there are various spellings for it), is considered the most traditional region of Thailand, where the rice is grown and the population lives in the countryside. And Pancho lived in the thick of it. The only thing surrounding his village where endless rice fields.
As mentioned previously, there was often nothing to do which featured in the men choosing to drink frequently.
Pancho in his wise opinion put this down to the lack of technical distractions available. Computers and the internet existed; its full potential never seemed to be exploited however.
In any case, Pancho had frequently attended sessions of drinking whiskey and soda just for the sake of drinking. These sessions actually went so far that Pancho no longer enjoyed himself.
In his days back in Britain Pancho, with his exquisite need for challenging stimulation, had found that lounging around with the same people frequently, having a pint or two eventually became quite dull and boring. In fact and despite his immense empathical abilities he did not understand those fellows who chose to do this every evening after work, for their whole life. Evidently such activities, boring under normal circumstances achieve a far more compelling reason to commit suicide when in an environment where one does not even understand the language. Thus Pancho had developed a general aversion against Esan’s social drinking. Some occasions however were simply necessary and inevitable.
One of these was his host family’s party. Having returned from a thorough and rigorous day of work Pancho was greeted by his host brother Pinball. His mother had won a tidy sum in the weekend lottery which naturally called for a celebration. What was meant by celebration was all too clear to Pancho’s incredibly sharp wit. And even with his new found aversion to drinking he could not deny the logical necessity for such a party. Social necessity made it not only futile but risky to decline this invitation. And Pancho as a true tactical genius, comparable to the likes of Hannibal, did not take uncalculated risks.
Thus, soon after, he was sitting in company of the family’s workers, a nice bunch of guys and his host brother. The drink of choice however was not the usual whiskey and soda but the exquisitely cheap Thai vodka. A few snappy shots in, Pancho was immensely confident about being able to weather this evening successfully. He had just eaten an ample amount of Esan food and the alcohol seemed to be taking little effect. But as many experiences as one may have made in a lifetime, one is never too old to learn a new one.
One or two hours later, after having incessantly declared that he was not yet drunk (The unwritten rules of manliness demand this), Pancho was full heartidly bustling along. In fact, thinking back to that fateful evening there were scenes that he could not recall quite confidently. Despite the very light tipsiness it turned out to be a jolly night and he did finally make it to bed at a reasonable time.
The next morning was a different matter.
As soon as Pancho regained consciousness he was certain that something was not quite in order. He turned off his alarm and lay there for a moment pondering what could possibly be out of line. Finally he had an inkling of what it may be. A slightly delicate head and nondescript stomach pointed in the general direction of a hangover. However Pancho could not be quite certain.
In fact he had no time to be philosophical. His alarm had rung for a reason. He was due for Thai boxing training that morning.
The issue in Thailand, as his immense cultural knowledge would attest (he had heard such things) was that the teacher was the students’ role model. Role models do not have hangovers because they do not get drunk. The problem for Pancho was as follows. First of all he had no way of contacting his coach to cancel. Secondly and more importantly his coach being one of the school’s students he could not let him know that his discomfort was due to a tiny bit too much vodka. Such revelations would thoroughly endanger his students’ respect.
So Pancho, as a real man, swung himself out of bed and lightheartedly brushed away the misery. His first stop was the bathroom due to an uncertain wooziness in the stomach region. After this preemptive stop he felt slightly better despite something a weaker character might refer to as a splitting headache. Pancho’s next step in recuperation was to drink a healthy amount of water. He cracked open one of the bottles he kept in his room and downed the whole thing. Next, he carefully slipped on his training clothes and headed downstairs. With his shoes finally on he was ready to set out. The head pounded amiably, the stomach rejoiced in the marvel of bipedal travel, but Pancho knuckled down. The first few steps seemed mildly uncomfortable but then, while his feet pounded the tarmac heavily, he had an epiphany. Running was actually equally as painful as standing around!
So after a short while, Pancho reached the training ground, and with the excuse of being very tired conducted and easy set on the sand bag. He was relieved when the time finally came to return back home. With copious amounts of water and a refreshing shower Pancho was convinced to have evaded the worst, but soon he realized that his thinking apparatus must have been affected by the vodka as well. His normal solution of doing sports when hung over did not quite work that day.
Food was one of the things he absolutely did not desire. Accordingly Pancho was immensely grateful for his host grandmother’s vigilant eye. She knew exactly that he had not eaten and that he would need sustenance for the long day ahead. Not being able to admit that he was slightly incapacitated Pancho sat down and ate lightly, what he could get down.
His bike ride to school was a welcome relief from any kind of human interaction. In Pancho’s experience conversation and a hangover did not mix well. Hung over individuals were best left to their own devices. Trying to concentrate on conversation just tended to make things worse.
When he finally reached school he was overjoyed to remember that he had to teach the first 3 periods. It seemed to him at this moment that that lottery win had been utterly bad luck for him. His students, at times frustrating even when sober loomed ominously in his mind now. But being an ultimately positive kind of guy Pancho took the challenge head on. Admittedly the first lesson was a struggle. Holding a conversation while feeling slightly off is enjoyable enough, teaching a class of unresponsive and mind numbed robots was in a completely different league. But there was no time or room for self pity in Pancho’s life. He had inflicted this pain upon himself and thus he had to pay the price.
And eventually he did come through. Having finished the third lesson and being free for the rest of the day Pancho actually felt quite normal again. The morning sports and forced meal seemed to have had an effect after all. In any case his recuperation had been far faster than in similar situations when left to wallow in misery and despair. Again Pancho’s superior intellect seemed to have given birth to a sound theory of life. Hangovers were best dealt with immediately and without remorse, no matter how bad.
Returning home in the afternoon to play football with his host brother Pancho discovered that the other member’s of the drinking party had themselves suffered serious consequences from last night. However Pancho doubted that they had been as bad as his. Conversing with the fellows did teach him another valuable lesson however. Having admitted a slight uncomfort to Pinball and the family workers the whole village suddenly seemed to know about the event and did not leave out any opportunity to mention it. Getting drunk was no longer an option, especially not in the village.
The universe in its infinite mystery seemed to be set on testing Pancho’s new resolutions. That night he was actually offered another drink by the family workers. Eyeing them suspiciously Pancho told them that they were clearly crazy. He followed this up with the announcement that from then on he would only drink on weekends. On weekdays drinking would be prohibited.
In all honesty this was primarily an excuse not to be bored to death by the usual drinking sessions but just as much due to the fact that Pancho was beginning to fear for his liver and other organs. He had been in the village for a mere month. Such dangers had to be held in check lest it end badly for him.

Three circles of hell

As a country fairly different to the civilised western standard, Thailand has a number of gruelling rituals on offer. One stood out especially vividly in Pancho’s exceptional memory.
The date of this occasion was the 09.09.09. Many westerners would choose this memorable date for weddings and all. In Thailand, where the number 9 is considered lucky, this was a day to revere the King and the monks. Accordingly Pancho’s complete school assembled in the sports hall or assembly hall as it was actually called, to face the entire congregation of Phunee’s monks. Despite the village’s population of a mere thousand there seemed to be a vast multitude of monks reaching well into the hundreds.
In any case, ignoring this staggering number, Pancho and his host mother rushed,after arriving regrettably late, into position on one of the spread out orange carpets. The whole school sat on these carpets forming several long rows that reached till the back of the hall. Every person present had a large jar or basket filled to the brim with all sorts of snacks. Pancho had been kindly supplied by his host mother. The ceremony not having started yet everybody sat comfortably cross legged or any other way they fancied.
As the school principle entered the hall and sat down centrally any chatter died down. Pancho’s famously accurate sixth sense now felt an ominous dread overcome him. Not quite able to place the dread however he decided to go with the flow. The microphone was handed to the principle and prayers began. This was finally the signal for everybody in the hall to sit up and kneel, which they accomplished either by sitting with the tops of their feet flat on the ground or by resting on the balls of their feet. Pancho initially tried out both but very quickly found the latter to be slightly less uncomfortable. Prayers now rotated between what seemed to be the head priest and the school’s principle. At intervals the whole congregation would bow low to the ground three times and then return to the kneeling position with hand palms touching each other in prayer. Pancho had never had so much fun.
It only took him a few minutes to understand what that ominous gloom had been a few moments earlier. The Thais seemed thoroughly accustomed to sitting in these truly uncivilised positions. Pancho however had not been engaging in such exercises since birth and an ache not to be underestimated slowly crept up both his legs. Alas, there was nothing to be done. The hum drum of prayer went on. The bowing went on. And Pancho’s brilliant mind went on in the pointless struggle to discover a means of escape…
Suddenly his search for enlightenment was interrupted. Pancho’s hostmother had decided to translate some of the prayers and explain the situation. At this point in time Pancho broke out in a terrible sweat. His legs, ankles and feet felt like they were falling off. He would have been happy to concentrate only on the pain radiating up his limbs but every few seconds he would now also have to nod to signify that he was at least trying to pay attention to his host mother’s words. How Pancho rejoiced in that situation. Being a polite kind of person and in order to save face he could not permit to stir one muscle in his face that could reveal his discomfort. Any weaker soul might have cracked and crumbled under this torturous ordeal, but not Pancho. He kneeled tall and bright above the crowd, a serene emptiness spread across his face paired with the occasional nod of pure understanding that he presented to his followers.
And then it finally ended. After what seemed like an eternity, the monks stood up and slowly queued down the many isles, opening their food bowls to receive the morsels that had been brought.
Pancho gratefully accepted this chance and collapsed elegantly into a cross legged position. His shirt was drenched and his legs still screeched in pain but he was truly happy that the time had finally come to give away all this food to the monks.
Fleeing the scene soon after, the usual morning assembly was still to take place, Pancho found himself in the English department quietly relishing a few moments of painless silence under a refreshing draft from the ceiling fan.
In that moment of peace, Pancho believed he only had the ordeal of teaching left before him that day. But how wrong he was.
Having returned home for a quick afternoon slumber he was awoken to the arrival of several teachers. Among them was his dear advisor who had invited him out to dinner. Not sensing the peril at hand Pancho joined the other 3 teachers in the car as merrily as possible and set out to Ubon. After about an hour’s drive of leisurely talk and relaxed banter they arrived at the restaurant or resort as they are often called in Thailand. In these strange and secretive places an entire room is rented out for dinner, including a karaoke set that is always used without exemption. Arriving at this restaurant Pancho was only mildly surprised to find a multitude of other teachers from his school arriving as well. And after a short while they all crammed into the little room and the food started rolling in.
Having taken a step towards healthier living recently Pancho decided not to drink that night. This constituted the second near fatal error of the day in Pancho’s usually infallible thought process.
Dinner was a trifle, a mere matter of an hour. Everybody seemed to fill up quite quickly. But contrary to Pancho’s hope of a speedy return to the seclusion of his home, what ensued was a type of hideous mental torture one did not encounter all too frequently. The whole karaoke session lasted for a record shattering 6 hours! You, the reader, can imagine what this might be like when one knows and at least understands the songs being sung. Pancho however had soon completely drained the repertoire of English songs available and was thus forth condemned to listen to Thai songs while watching background videos from the 1980’s that kept repeating over and over. The icing on the cake was that there was again absolutely no way of escape. The “party” (these occasions are called parties in Thailand) was organised for the benefit of his advisor. Not only was he required to stay out of mere politeness, but he was well out of reach of getting home on his own. So the two virtues of endurance and fortitude were called upon once again.
With repeated attempts to finish the party, new songs kept popping up ho and fro. The 5 minute doses of anguish added up until the whole group called it a day at around 11pm. Pancho drained of any life energy was mildly delighted. After a few short minutes in the car the proposal was made to make a stop for a light midnight snack. Not too disinclined, dinner having been about five hours ago, Pancho gave a full hearted indication of not really minding.
20 minutes later all four of the car’s passengers sat at a late night restaurant in Ubon with a significant amount of food in front of them.
Thailand’s customs and foods sometimes had a peculiar effect on his stomach. This effect not frequently resulted in a sudden and strong urge to go to the bathroom. Thai traditional bathrooms, as they are still found in most places in Thailand, are squatting toilets with a complementary bucket of water, no flush mechanism and no toilet paper. It is easy to understand why Pancho generally avoided using these facilities. On one occasion he even endured several hours of a bus ride which required immense amounts of concentration.
This time however, with a lot of food before him Pancho saw himself forced to finally submit. How he wished he had visited the bathroom back at that relatively clean karaoke party.
At this point it would be impolite and immoral to go into any graphic details, however it can easily be imagined that this third unpleasant experience completed the day for Pancho. Having eventually reappeared at the table, all clean and suitable to take part in a meal of course, and after battling sleep on the drive back home, Pancho could proudly say that he had proven his capabilities under duress and had grown immensely that day. Not many people could claim to have been tortured repeatedly under such strange circumstance. But naturally, a true gentleman does not brag and so Pancho managed to fall asleep light heartedly knowing that he had stood up to yet another of those strange challenges that Thailand managed to sprout.

Always an experience in Ubon

As a most observant reader you may gather that the little village of Punee could be considered to lack the necessary entertainment for somebody with wide ranging experiences such as Pancho Wodehouse. As a matter of fact on weekends it was even boring for the villagers. Thus, next to drinking, a favourite distraction was to travel to the near by city of Ubon Ratchathani.
After an in depth analysis of the possibilities at hand Pancho came to the same conclusion. However, for insurance reasons he was not allowed to drive in Thailand but for independence reasons he needed an alternative to being chauffeured. So Pancho had decided to learn how to use the Thai public transport system. This he would do together with his very enjoyable advisor. After the first few weeks Pancho considered her a grand master for both joking around as well as serious intellectual conversation.
Thus on a Saturday morning they were to catch the 8am bus to Ubon. The first surprise of the day assaulted Pancho as he boarded that bus. In a jolly mood the driver, who Pancho could not recall ever having met, called him by his Thai nick name and asked where he was heading. Knowing about his relative fame but still somewhat surprised, Pancho replied politely that he was heading to Ubon. This was as a matter of fact the only realistic answer, however in Thailand it is a custom to ask where one is going just as one asks how one is doing in English speaking countries. One is not really interested in the reply.
Sitting in a relatively narrow seat a few moments later, Pancho for the first time was able to admire the luxuries of Thai buses. First of all the doors of this bus stayed open during the entire trip which meant the bus could be boarded anywhere and at anytime. As a matter of fact, every time it passed a small settlement or group of houses the driver would honk to announce his arrival. Just in case somebody failed to hear the tremendously loud bus approaching. What Pancho enjoyed about this bus in particular however was that the driver took pride in his sound system and actually played music for his passengers. Occasionally turning on rotating fans on the ceiling when it got too hot completed the quite comfortable ride. The acceptably cheap price was another bonus. Accordingly, in Pancho’s well traveled books this bus ride ranked quite highly. It fell under the category of: Greeted by name, cheap, enjoyable and relaxing.
Once in Ubon, after having finished some of his necessary shopping, Pancho was invited to enjoy the company of his advisor’s brother’s family. This included wife, daughter in law and grand children. Pancho, as an incredibly gifted linguist was naturally immediately asked to teach the children a little English. To his delight the two kids, about 4 and 8 were better at English than many of the teenagers he taught at school.
Eventually at lunch, Pancho enjoyed a relatively refined meal, not as rustically prepared as at home in Punee. For one, there were no bones in the meal that needed picking out. This made eating far less strenuous. But at the same time the food was only mildly spiced. A few months ago Pancho’s yet inexperienced taste buds would have thought the spices quite sufficient, now however he was somewhat disappointed in the bland application of chili. The two young children’s meal was what actually surprised Pancho however. Not one to be easily thrown he had not expected such strangeness, especially in this region of Thailand where savoury food generally was preferred. The two kids were fed on an entirely different dietary system to what he was accustomed to for anywhere in the world except for maybe America, which had a considerable sweet tooth. This diet made the children’s slight look of overweight plausible. Lunch for them consisted without exception only of a large helping of ice cream and cookies. Pancho, being extremely well mannered and conscious of social etiquette naturally did not remark on this fact. However he hoped dearly that this was not the complete spectrum of their diet. In his extremely wise opinion it did not bode well for their future.
After having enjoyed the meal with his advisor’s family it was finally time to head back home by public transport.
The ride home was by different means than in the morning. The usual mode of transport was by minibus. The term minibus can mean either a flatbed truck or a pick up/ute (for the Australian readers) with a roofed construction on the back, where travelers sit facing each other on opposing benches. The roof may frequently also be used as seating. In this case the roof was actually used for transportation as the relatively small minibus (a small truck) was crammed full with a restaurant’s shopping as well as at least 30 people. These passengers partially sat inside, stood inside, sat on the roof or stood at the end of the truck holding on to railings. Pancho quite enjoyed this mode of transport as it proved to be a different sort of experience and was actually quite cool for the breeze that blew in from the open sides.
On this first occasion however his advisor and him had a strange encounter. They boarded a relatively full bus. However as they climbed aboard, immediately a seating gap opened up at the far left end, right next to a Thai lady in a pink suit.
Soon after sitting down Pancho’s keen sense for recognition of social patterns warned him why seating had been so readily provided. The simple reason for what they initially perceived as luck was a cold and calculated move by the lady to Pancho’s right. She had let the innocent and unknowing newcomers fall into the trap of sitting down between the pink lady and the other passengers on that side. Soon he would understand the gravity of this foolish mistake.
As soon as they were seated the lady in the pink suit started chatting amiably to his advisor. Initially by using monosyllabic answers, his advisor attempted to subtly convey that she was not too interested in conversation. At least in Pancho’s distinguished ability to observe he guessed this much. Evidently not satisfied with this conversation the lady turned to speak to Pancho. Not in Thai but actually in English. Delighted to be speaking to someone this fluent Pancho welcomed a bit of conversation. The lady had lived an America, married an American who had died recently and was now back in Thailand. Pancho’s first flash of interest quickly subsided however. Something about her mix of American and Thai cultures did not quite agree with him. The lady smiled frequently and was very interested in foreigners, evidently the Thai culture. But at the same time she was extremely outgoing and failed to register any subtle uses of language intended to direct the conversation. This as Pancho found were characteristics present in some Americans and could make it difficult to uphold the conversation. On their own, Pancho could enjoy all of these characteristics considerably, mixed together however they did cause a tad of worry for good old Pancho. He first became aware of this sentiment when the woman would not stop talking about money not being able to buy love and all. Not having anything further to add to her succinct analysis of the matter, he nodded. This became the standard pattern of their conversation. Pancho eventually gave up on trying to influence it and followed his advisor’s monosyllabic example. However he realized that the situation was becoming critical when the woman decided to take off her pink suit jacket revealing a blue bathing suit beneath. The at least 60 year old woman commented on this in the following matter.
“Oh it is hot!” To this Pancho said a definitive and approving “Yes”
Then undressing (to the other passenger’s horror. It is inappropriate for a woman to wear anything less than a T-shirt in rural Thailand) and revealing her blue bathing suit, went further in explaining her actions.
“I wear sexy clothes” Averting his eyes in a rather quick jerk Pancho nodded.
“These are sexy clothes no?” Pancho at a loss of what to reply lied “Yes” and turned the other way while his advisor discretely laughed in his ear. But the woman went on.
“I like America, I can wear sexy clothes all the time. Anywhere and anytime. I like sexy clothes. America is not like here, here you can not wear sexy clothes.” Again Pancho in shock only managed a nod and looked straight ahead at the countryside passing by. She evidently could wear what she considered sexy clothes here, despite her assurance that she couldn’t. Pancho now could see the reason for having been offered seating as clear as day. The whole bus looked like how Pancho felt, slightly embarrassed and definitively avoiding eye contact with the woman. In fact at the next bus stop a further spot opened up for another unknowing and innocent passenger that wanted to sit down. She took the seat between the lady in the bathing suit and his advisor. Now two seats removed from the lady with an exceptional amount of food stacked in front of him Pancho was finally safe.
Eventually the lady had to make her way out of the bus. While leaving she wished Pancho a good stay and sincerely hoped to meet him again. Pancho again used his exceptional gift with words to return these sentiments.
“Yes, goodbye!”
After such an eventful trip, the day was not over however. As so often in Thailand, a party had been planned. This, as usual, consisted of eating, drinking and singing karaoke. Pancho endured, despite no desire to after having attended at least a dozen of these occasions since his arrival. The issue was that he had fairly little to talk about or to say in Thai. No amount of drinking made conversation flow better as the necessary vocabulary was simply missing. It actually seemed to reverse in fact. Pancho understanding the basics of the language by now was even more delighted when drunken friends who generally did not talk much to him decided to teach him words he already knew. This was by far the most amazingly enjoyable activity yet. Sitting at a table, listening to karaoke he did nit understand, being told about one hundred times that a spoon is a spoon. Eventually Pancho decided to make the matter more interesting for himself. In his region, Esan, two languages were spoken. Thai as well as a dialect of Laotian. Thus Pancho was taught 2 different words for many things. Spoon was one of the objects Pancho knew both for. So, bored by the endless repetition and slightly frustrated that he could not tell them to shut up, out of politeness, when one of the drunk guys pointed at a spoon and said the Thai word for it, Pancho would blurt out the Laotian word. A tad drunk the other would think Pancho had not clearly understood and try again. This would go on until the person decided to say the Laotian word for spoon. In this case Pancho would say the Thai word. His tipsy teacher took a fair while to finally realize what was going on. When he did a smile came across his face and he understood to give up.
That was Pancho’s fun for the night. He would use this game frequently thereafter when the situation required it.

Typically Thailand

One of the things that, as a most observant fellow, caught Pancho’s attention was the amount of dogs that roamed the streets of Thailand. At closer inspection many were not actually stray dogs but had a place of residence. In comparison to western standards of living these dogs were however not trained as pets but were held more for the purpose of guarding property. At times they would stray however and take it upon themselves to discover the world. Pancho had had a few encounters with some of these creatures. He was not sure how narrowly he actually escaped being bitten, but their bark was fierce and at times they liked to chase.
A man of true valour, this obviously did not unnerve Pancho. He would have easily taken on a mangy dog of sorts.
On one occasion he actually had an experience that he thought quite amusing.
Riding his ancient postman bicycle there were always dogs somewhere on the short road from work to home. These dogs liked to lie on the road, not even bothering to get up when cars approached (unless they actually were about to hit them).
So on this occasion of riding his very old bike home, a dog crossed Pancho’s path. Some dogs could be said to be quite intelligent, this one evidently was not. Normally this would not be a problem, but Pancho did not have a normal bike. The problem with it was the following. The breaks were not the most trustworthy and one could only turn the steering bar so far to the side without ramming it into ones legs and causing the bike to fall apart.
Thus, the dog unwisely intercepted Pancho’s trajectory. Unsure whether the dog would stop or keep going Pancho could only vaguely swivel in either direction (which he tried unsuccessfully). The breaks not functioning properly, stopping in time was also a matter of impossibility despite Pancho’s infamous bicycle riding skills.
So the dog, in its insanity stepped in front of Pancho’s bike, while Pancho due to the old model was not able to break or change course effectively.
When the front wheel was merely a hair’s width away from inflicting excruciating pain (for the dog most likely) the beast finally realised in what deadly peril it found itself. Yelping to the highest degree it started skipping sideways as fast as it could.
This was the way out Pancho had been hoping for. Using his deafening break (only one break worked and it screeched horrendously which was another reason for not wanting to use it) he managed to slow down slightly. This gave the panicked beast the chance to jump out of the way and escape a sure death. Pancho looked over his shoulder quickly. He dearly hoped that no villager had come to the conclusion that Pancho was trying to kill their dogs. In his wise opinion, that impression would be most unfavourable. Finally unable to hold in a little laugh at the dog’s ludicrous idiocy Pancho rolled on home.
Another interesting and often encountered facet of Thai society is the alcohol consumed frequently referred to as whiskey when speaking English (some times it was whiskey, sometimes brandy and at times even vodka). In any case, Punee being a relatively remote village with nothing much to do in spare time, people turned to drinking for entertainment. Generally Pancho, did not mind a little tasty nip, but at times it was just a bit too much. This was not so much for his hardy physique but because it simply wasn’t the most interesting pass time. The occasion that convinced him that he maybe would prefer a little less involvement in these beverages was a Sunday afternoon. He had been invited to his advisors house for an extended meal. In fact the meal lasted from 2pm till 9pm. At the end of this Pancho was absolutely satisfied and could not eat even one more mouthful. In the process he had been also fed generous amounts of whiskey by one of the village policemen present at the “party”. Not minding at all, Pancho indulged this man and had as much as his advisor deemed suitable. Her being used to Thai standards of drinking tolerance, she stopped Pancho early, which considering the end, was probably a good move. After having joked about riding like a snake (because of drinking) he finally did set off on his bicycle in a fashion eerily similar to that of a snake. This however was obviously not due to alcohol but a result of his bicycle being so old. Not riding in a snake like fashion was quite a feat when just starting off on this vehicle. Accordingly his advisor’s impression of Pancho being drunk was strengthened.
Not being drunk however Pancho felt quite fit to join his host brother’s (Pinball’s) little gathering when he got home. This gathering was naturally for the means of finishing the whiskey bottle at hand. Not a problem for Pancho. With his world renowned fortitude he could probably pull off 2 or 3 of those bottles.
The next morning however, Pancho noticed that it had been a bit more than he had anticipated. He had failed to notice being drunk but the headache and flunky stomach were a good indication that he had had quite a bit.
Despite this life changing tragedy, Pancho’s iron discipline shone through and he set out to go for his usual morning run. In his opinion, the best cure for a hangover was a healthy dose of sport, with frequent water drinking and a hearty meal. Following his own advice Pancho was not surprised to feel a lot better after powering through the painful exercise. However the unrestful sleep, that frequently occured after drinking a lot, showed itself in Pancho being excessively tired. His advisor naturally picked up on this and quite correctly interpreted this as a symptom of a hangover. Pancho was now caught in a twist. He did not want to lie, for it was a hangover, but he did not want to admit that it was a hangover, as she would think it was a hangover from drinking only the alcohol at her bbq party. He was also not to tell her about drinking with his host brother as that was not deemed appropriate. For that matter neither was a hangover. Pancho’s tired brain came to the only possible conclusion. He responded with a firm “No”. His advisors grin indicated that she might only be joking. However as Pancho suspected there to be an inkling of truth behind every joke, as a man, he had to stand his ground and insist with a straight and solemn but very handsome face that this was not the case. And so he was left to further suffer in silence.

Patient and virtuous

Over his stay in Thailand Pancho’s waiting skills and patience had already been tested thoroughly. After a few weeks of practice he had become a true master of sitting around in silence while looking interested. Having to sit through incomprehensible meetings and evenings was comparable to watching the grass grow without any possible distraction. Maybe a fun activity for some, it did not quite match Pancho’s taste of intellectual stimulation. One occasion seemed to top everything he had previously experienced. The traditional Thai dance, conducted by numerous female dancers (students in this case) and an assortment of musicians in the background playing traditional Thai instruments. The schools in this country famously liked to engage in contests in order to determine who was best. This naturally included the subjects taught at school, but also any kind of afternoon activity. The traditional dance was an exception as students could even earn money with their performances outside of school.
This occasion featured a personal invitation by the performance director, his mother. It invited Pancho to attend his schools performance as well as several others in Amnat Charoen. In fact the contest was between 3 primary schools and 3 secondary schools.
The dancers, having woken up at 3am that morning to prepare the ubiquitous makeup and extraordinarily complicated hairstyles, had been awake for quite a while when Pancho elected to finally rise at 6 am. Despite this being far too late for the performers it was quite a feat for Pancho who had been continuously engaged in various activities such as eating, drinking and karaoke in the evenings.
The family owned tour bus then chauffeured the assembled dancers to the contest location.
Arriving on time at 9 oclock, Pancho was still quite fresh and eager to witness the performance in full costumes and make up. He had merely seen a rehearsal before.
The fun of the day started with a speech by one of the organizers. Not understanding one word, it was eventually translated for Pancho. The speech said that no sufficient equipment was present to begin the show. This warranted a 1 hour wait without anything to do but to stare at an empty stage. You may imagine that Pancho was thrilled at this point, however he did not let it affect is high spirits.
Soon after, Pancho was informed of a second announcement that he had failed to understand, despite his ever increasing language skills. His school was to perform last. When Pancho eventually found out about this, he was truly as happy as ever. He would be able to sit through 6 full performances! During his school’s rehearsal he had already experienced the full length of such a dance, spanning well into the reaches of 20 minutes or more. Considering that there were 6 performances this meant at least 3 hours. Judging that the empty stage would need a full new set up before every performance Pancho added another 10 to 20 minutes. In his most observant and uncanny estimate this meant 4 hours. He was still a bit on the short side as he discovered later.
As the first performance began, already the feeling of his getting up at that ungodly hour was having an effect. The first primary school was still quite interesting to watch. Despite the kids not being quite so adept as their older colleagues, Pancho was actually amazed at the quality of the performance. With the increasing heat of the day this amazement turned into a subtle hint of tiredness for the second show.
Pancho initially battled to stave of the imminent sleep but finally thought it wiser to inconspicuously rest his head upon his arms and those upon his knees. A nodding head would very likely alert the people sitting near by that he was not terribly interested in the procedures. Thus, although he dropped away for a few instances he was saved the embarrassment of being seen falling asleep. Although truth be said his mother probably suspected so.
One can imagine what Pancho felt like for the next 3 performances when the second had been so draining already. Fantastic would be a fitting description. Over the next few hours, he was offered food and some movement which made things mildly better. But sitting in the same position for too long and Pancho was afflicted with the same issue again and again.
Nearing the performance of his own school, his tactics had changed. Standing had become the new weapon of choice in this desperate battle for survival. But Pancho was amazed that it was still possible to nod off dangerously while on two feet.
Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, it arrived. Actually being interested in the success of his school’s performance and the various costumes, Pancho’s tiredness had literally blown away completely. In the end he was quite impressed, despite some of the dancers forgetting to smile (no wonder after having to wait for almost 6 hours to perform).
In his amateur but wise judgment out of the three high schools competing, his was clearly the best. And so it came that when the winner was announced the group around him jumped up in ecstatic joy and shouted out all their pent up anxiety and frustration at having to wait so long. Pancho, in the middle of this tumultuous hubbub only had the energy to smile and give several people high fives. One thing that slightly unnerved him however was that during the performance the lead singer (who could quite frankly sing amazingly) frequently seemed to direct a smile in his direction. Considering the amount of times that Pancho had been asked whether he was an available bachelor during his few weeks here, he would have to be mindful. Supposedly some Thai women (and men) found it very easy to become attached to a foreigner despite their being nothing one could describe as more than brief conversations. Any normal member of the public suffering from such ludicrous delusions would be problematic enough; a student however could prove deadly.
And so the perils never ended.