Firecar to Bangkok

Following the highlights of Pancho’s trip to Loey he recuperated and relaxed for a quiet two days at home before heading off to the Kingdom’s capital, Bangkok. Pancho had booked the over night train. It had several advantages over the overnight busses in Thailand. First of all he would be able to actually sleep in a bed (or bunk) instead of being squeezed into a seating position for 10 hours. Additionally he had the choice to book different classes and his choice wisely fell on the electric fan cooled class instead of the usual Thai air conditioning induced death by freezing.
Pancho had informed his host mother of his departure on that Wednesday evening as he required somebody to drive him to Ubon Ratchatani. This had the wonderful benefit of not having to leave many hours before the train departure, while catching several busses. The train departed at 7:30pm officially. Pancho, his usual highly effective/efficient self was thus ready to leave at around 6, his bags fully packed and dressed to go.
His host parents had been gone on a short trip to Laos but his host mother had asserted that she would be back in time to fulfil her sacred duty of supplying transportation. That Wednesday a hint of worry settled on Pancho’s mind when she had still not returned towards 6pm. Nevertheless with a hopeful disposition he carried his bag to the outside living area and decided to wait there. Kunyay, his host grandmother was busy entertaining one of her friends at the time. The question she asked Pancho as she saw him carrying his packed bag unsettled him further. “Where are you going?” In his broken Thai responded confidently that he was heading to Bangkok. But he could not help the impression dawning on him that something was not quite right after all. Like the bright minded chap he was Pancho got out his train ticket and showed it to Kunyay, hoping to make himself better understood. It worked fantastically. Kunyay got a hold of her mobile phone and called her daughter, Pancho’s host mother. She was evidently determined to get to the bottom of this mystery. When Pancho was finally put on the phone it turned out that there had been a slight misunderstanding in terms of dates. His host mother had thought he was departing on the following day. The thought of having to wait another day for sweet sweet freedom mate Pancho’s stomach sink. Doubt finally crept into his optimistic demeanour. He called his advisor. After thinking about driving Pancho herself, looking at the time, she responsibly decided it would be wisest to cancel the train ticket and get a refund. It was close to 6:30 now and the drive to Ubon usually took an hour. In addition the train station was on the other side of the city…
But Pancho was not in the frame of mind to be responsible. In fact, as one of his many gifts irresponsibility had served him very well throughout his life. This lack of responsibility was partly due to the unclear conversation he had had with his host mother on the phone. From this conversation he maintained the slight hope that one of the family workers would attempt to drive him.
The worker showed up at about 6:40pm. By now Pancho was getting a tad worried about not being able to make it on time. His levels of responsibility were clearly on the increase. As much as he liked it in Phunee, he had been looking forward to a break and some freedom for one and a half weeks. Then, as he loaded his bag into the car his advisor called again and informed Pancho that the train was running late, so that there might be the possibility of making it. Responsibility once again vanished from Pancho’s vast and impressive vocabulary. They got into the car. The driver looked at the dashboard and said something to himself in Thai. Pancho was not sure what it was, but there seemed to be no inclination to start the journey. Instead the driver called out for Kunyay who had disappeared off. After an agonizingly slow minute she finally came hobbling along and the driver repeated what he had said earlier. Pancho was being sucked into the depths of desperation now. He really did not want to miss this train. So he applied his infallible brain to the issue at hand. The result was that it guessed that there must not be enough fuel in the car and that the driver was asking for money. Not in any desire to wait any longer Pancho asked how much money was needed. The grey matter had seemed to have interpreted the situation correctly. 500 Baht was the reply. Not willing to risk a longer wait Pancho decided that catching the train was worth the money (irresponsible really…). He gargled a bunch of Thai words out that corresponded to “I have plenty of money, I can pay for the petrol”. Kunyay had still not appeared back with the money. Thus the driver correctly interpreting the lack of time in this dire situation and set out on the road.
On the way, Pancho was his absolutely delighted and relaxed self when they had to additionally stop for petrol. Of course Pancho’s intellect caught on about the notion of sliming chances to catch this train. When they finally reached Ubon the clock already said 7:35pm and now there was the slow traffic to circumvent to get to the train station. Pancho giving up hope at an ever increasing speed was starting to accept the inevitable. But a glimmer of hope remained as the driver said he could always catch a bus. Deciding to give in to fate Pancho leant back and watched as events unfolded. Fate had won this time. They arrived at the train station at 7:45pm. Devoid of close to all hope they semi heartedly rushed inside and asked at the information desk. Pancho hung in the balance, half hopeful half resigned (there was always the chance of an unexpected ally having popped up to save the day for him). They were told the train had not left yet. And there it was! The break Pancho had been hoping for. They rushed to the platform where the train stood and along the carriages. Pancho was delighted. He had made it after all. It turned out that his carriage had not even been added to the train which meant they had to wait a further 10 minutes. Oh how Pancho rejoiced in the bad organisation of the Thai Railway Authority. Despite everything being poised against his success, he had made it after all. And finally, 10 minutes later, actually it was more in the vicinity of 30 minutes later, he was off, lying down in his just big enough bunk, riding the train towards a much needed holiday, fate having taken another blow from the most irresistible force of the universe, Pancho Wodehouse.

The Ups and Downs of Loey

Finally it had arrived. After his first term of teaching in Phunee, the time for exams and holidays was imminent. As Pancho was not involved Exams this meant he actually had two weeks of holidays. The first weekend he had been invited to join the family’s tour bus for a trip to the north of Esarn, to the mountainous province of Loey. Following that he would be off to the Bangkok and the sea to meet some fellow foreigners also teaching in Thailand.
But first, the mountains of Loey called. The tour bus left on the last school day, on Friday afternoon. This meant that Pancho was relieved from the last class of the day (that 130 student behemoth). He dearly regretted not being able to pass on his infinite knowledge to these young moldable minds but he knew that there would be ample opportunity in the long run.
The tour bus left with two of the family workers and a newly employed driver. The trip initially took the four to Roi Et where they “camped out” out at a school overnight in order to depart at about 5am, with their newly arrived guests. Pancho was quite happy to be finally get out of Phunee for a bit, to breathe some of the worldly air, to live life on the road. Little did he know that he was setting out on a tiresome journey that would test his patience and good will to the utmost. The tour bus’s passengers were a Thai language department from the school in Roi Et. The organiser was an old friend of Pancho’s host mother’s which meant he would be well taken care of or so he thought.
The first night was thus spent in the school waiting for the morning to arrive. Bathing was conducted outside on the pavement of the school parking lot. This kind of lavish and luxurious bathing ceremony was not something Pancho was accustomed to, yet with his well placed confidence he had no problem adapting.
Eventually the four men lay down to rest, inside the bus. Pancho was positioned on one of the benches on the upper deck, for it was a double decker bus. Generally speaking he could sleep anywhere, no matter whether the floor was hard or the air was filled with blaring of car horns. This time however he was in for a challenge. The bench was first of all too short for his imploring physique. Thus he was forced to angle his legs in an awkward position. This Pancho mastered with perfection. Additionally the bench was not wide enough for a person to roll around, so changing positions during the night proved challenging. Pancho, with his stupendous patience, could deal with this in a humorous manner. The real issues however arose when he had finally settled down and was trying to find slumber. A horrendous sound rang in his ear. Pancho groaned inwardly. He knew without a doubt, that the bane of restful repose had come to torture him that night. The bus was infested with mosquitoes. Pancho having the delicious blood of a foreigner these bloodsucking beasts assaulted him throughout the night. Additional to the considerable loss of blood, the constant buzz in his ears proved treacherous to any attempt at sleeping. To top of the matter, one of the family worker’s was sleeping beside Pancho on the floor. He was a nice enough fellow and very easy to get along with. And yet this could not prevent a slight annoyance in Pancho. He had never heard such a hideously loud snoring before. Not only was it loud but also utterly uneven, bursting up loudly before stuttering to a halt and slowly gargling to new levels of loudness. These minor inconveniences made it increasingly difficult for Pancho to find repose. And yet, despite the hideous ordeal of being woken an infinite amount of times, Pancho “stood” firm to tell the tale. He was up before dawn to politely stand aside for the arriving guests.
Standing there while the passengers arrived he felt caught between two worlds. Pancho was definitely not one of the usual bus attendants and yet he did not count as one of the guests. Thus thinking it prudent, he chose to retreat into the driver’s cabin.
After having traveled for a few hours the bus made a rest stop. Pancho was now invariably called upon to join the guests by his host mother’s friend. She seemed nice enough and introduced him to the group of teachers playing a card game in the back of the bus. Pancho was quickly integrated into this fiendish circle of gambling craze as the card dealer. He would receive minimum tips every time the guy playing as the bank did well. Pancho initially quite enjoyed this man’s demeanor and air. He was dressed very unlike Thais with a tank top while wearing sunglasses and a stylish hat which he would use as a money basket. He also enjoyed using a phallic symbol to work black magic on the other players in order to jinx the game.
So Pancho managed to relax, trying to figure out the rules of the game. After several hours of playing he had only barely figured it out. The amount of tips he was receiving was becoming considerable however so he thought it wise not to complain. What a marvelous head this Pancho had on his shoulders.
When lunch time came around the bus stopped at a lake with roofed floats that served as eating areas. Pancho, after about 6 hours of dealing cards had quite enough and thought lunch would be a nice break. Yet gambling had become so essential to these poor soles that it even continued during the meal. Again Pancho groaned inwardly, what happened to those simple conversations over meal time, in which Pancho did not understand a word…
After the meal Pancho finally said he had had enough for a while and was gratiously granted repose. This only lasted till they reached the hotel however, where having been invited to share a room with many of the teachers Pancho was recruited as the card dealer yet again.
He was quite happy over his earnings, considering he had expected to spend money instead of earning any, however the constant looking at cards, suits and numbers made his head slightly queasy.
Eventually they sat down for dinner at the hotel. The Karaoke machine was already set up on stage which did not please Pancho quite as much as the prospect of food.
While he sat at the dinner table debating whether to go to the toilet or not, his stomach was feeling under the weather after a very spicy lunch, he was asked by his hostmother’s friend to follow her. And so he did. Outside, in the hallway, Pancho was then quickly inserted into traditional Thai ceremonial clothes without him actually knowing what for. After standing around cluelessly for a few minutes he was finally told to perform a dance together with the 3 students (2 girls and 1 boy) that had accompanied the trip. Despite Pancho’s usual knowledge of ethnic dances from around the world he did not know how to dance this one. However, there was really little choice after having been told without a doubt that he was going to do it. Thus eventually the performers filed into the room to the sound of traditional Thai music and Pancho was simply to copy the boy’s dance moves. In order to understand Pancho’s inner workings at this time one must be clear that this dance is very feminine and any male performing it automatically looks gay. This is naturally not a problem in Thailand as society traditionally accepts such things, but Pancho felt strangely out of place. Especially since he had finally figured out that the guy with the hat who was the ringleader of card players was himself gay. As this man had been put in charge of taking care of Pancho, he naturally felt slightly uncomfortable. However one could not show this in the very non confrontational society of Thailand. One did not show disapproval directly.
In any case the performance was in order to farewell two retiring colleagues who were later given roses by everyone and luckily held very short speeches. There were also additional performances or dances, one of these involved many women and 2 men, who dressed up as women. One of these was the gay man in charge of Pancho.
Naturally he felt again a tad uncomfortable when he was informed that he would share a double bed with this man. This was of course his subjective masculinity speaking here. But realistically he could not share a bed with a female teacher so despite feeling so, he was not being set up.
This did not help his feeling of safety however. He made sure he slept fully clothed, ready to jump up and defend himself.
That night, nothing happened…
But the next morning, thinking she was being one of the funny kind, his hostmother’s friend asked Pancho whether anything had happened last night. For some mysterious reason Pancho did not find this quite as amusing as she did. but there was nothing to be said. They were providing for him and he was their guest without means of escape. So, he had to knuckle down and get through it. He smiled politely and acted all innocently.
The rest of the trip was filled with a few visits to temples as well as beautiful sightseeing spots of mountains. Some of the mountains on this trip were the kind you only get in Asia, that rise like steep cliffs out of seemingly nowhere. These sights were quite to Pancho’s exquisite tastes and compensated only slightly for the ordeals he had to endure.
Eventually the bus started heading back home again and Pancho had finally made a clear statement that he was retiring from the card dealing industry. Never the less the gambling went on and on. Instead Pancho was asked to perform some karaoke songs, which finally he had to give in to. At that point in time he really just wanted to be left alone. In Thailand one would often be paraded around as a foreigner. This could be quite enjoyable, after a while it became nothing more than a nuisance. After all, one did have an own agenda and life to get on with.
The last stretch of the trip was the climax of suffering for Pancho. He was terrorized by two demons so evil that Pancho lacked the words to describe them. They looked all innocent and sweet, but below the cute exterior lay hearts of utter darkness and minds as pitch black as the deepest depths of the universe. They were two little girls, younger than 10. They would ask how to ask something in English from his hostmother’s friend, who sat on the lower deck of the bus and then would race back up and ask Pancho who would answer diligently. Pancho thought this not too bad, though it was a tad annoying after about an hour of it. But before he knew it, the two demons launched their true assault. They seemed to misunderstand the concepts of teacher and student and decided that it was their duty to teach Pancho English... Thus he had to endure their questioning him what different colours were in English. Pancho could not give in to this game. If he did, his soul would be eternally lost. He would have utterly no control over the kids any longer, so he made sure he never did as they told him to.
At this point in time Pancho realized that the two were utterly and completely spoiled little brats and in fact was getting quite annoyed. But of course, with all the people around him, he could not show this out of politeness. So he ensued to bore the kids to death and started playing sudoku on his mobile phone while ignoring anything the kids said.
Eventually this cunning plan worked out and tricked the little devils into fleeing the scene. Nothing was more frightening to them than boredom. And Pancho hugely relieved was able to relax and live the rest of the trip in peace.
Once back home however, utterly exhausted, in the middle of the night, Pancho vowed he would not go on such a tour again. And desperately hoped he would be able to keep his vow. It had been a thorough waste of time and barely enjoyable for a fraction of it.
He was exhilirated to be finally free and soon traveling on his own to meet some foreign friends.

Observations on Culture, History and Mindsets

The Kingdom of Thailand had offered Pancho a multitude of new experiences. Although he had decided to describe the most striking in his memoirs, it may be difficult for the reader to relate without an understanding of the cultural background of the region and its people. Thus, in his highly enlightened opinion, Pancho deemed it necessary to give a short discourse on some facts and observations.
Firstly it is important to note, that the north eastern region of Thailand, Esarn, is ethnically and culturally different from the rest of Thailand. Esarn is the region in Thailand with the largest population. And this population is actually largely descendant from Laos. Pancho was not entirely clear on the dates (And a tad to lazy to research them) however the forefathers of the Esarn people were forcibly resettled from Laos to Thailand quite some time ago. This is observable in the Esarn dialect actually being almost identical to Lao, in other words, more Lao than Thai. In fact interestingly, the population of Esarn is far larger than that of Laos. Accordingly, it is important to note that Pancho’s experiences probably only account for the Esarn part of the Thai population. From Pancho’s initial experience Esarn people are far more rurally orientated. They know how to live off the land. For example, on a slaughtered cow very little would go to waste. Most of it would be eaten, including the UDDER and even the stomach lining. Esarn people know many herbs and plants that can be eaten and Pancho these were repeatedly pointed out by his advisor.
One thing Pancho had been told on his orientation was that Thais got bored quickly. As far as Pancho was concerned, from his experience the exact opposite was the case. He found himself getting incredibly bored at times while the people around him droned on and on. This could however also be due to the fact that he lived in the countryside.
Another noteworthy characteristic of the people of north eastern Thailand was their incredibly welcoming nature. They loved having a foreigner learn their ways and live together with them. Thus, as long as one held an open mind and was not disinclined to try out things that seemed completely otherworldly, one could lead a very easy and relaxed life.
There were a few things that Pancho had issues with during his stay however. The first was the relative low education level he found, especially when concerning international matters. People had very little comprehension of how other cultures could be different, including mentality and also environments. Pancho put this down to the countryside lifestyle but Thais were left quite unaware of the outside world. This was naturally highly evident when trying to teach English concepts or even trying to learn Thai. People who had had little contact with learning English had absolutely no conception of how language could involve a different way of thinking or even pronunciation. Thai and Lao being tonal languages, it was not understood that the tone would rise for questions in English or that meaning was conferred through tone in English by applying it to the whole sentence instead of individual words. In Pancho’s opinion it is mistakenly taught that Thai is a tonal language while English or western languages aren’t. While in Thai the meaning of an individual word may change with a different tone, in English it is the connotation of the sentence that changes with tone or what we normally call emphasis. For instance
“How are YOU?” implies something different to “How ARE you?” Understanding such differences and others such as the fact that western foreigners have trouble getting used to the tonal differences in words but not sentences makes a large difference when interacting with Thais. As an example, Piu who spoke good English would understand Pancho’ despite his initially often mixed up use of tones and pronunciation of words. Pinball in contrast would not even be able to guess out of the context what Pancho meant despite pronunciation only being slightly off. This could be very frustrating as the conversational partner would simply lack the capacity to imagine what Pancho could possibly mean. In contrast Pancho himself was highly adept at guessing meanings out of the context even when pronunciation was utterly off or descriptions incoherent. As a matter of fact, initially conversing with his host father was conducted with hands and feet and a wild array of guesses.
The general lack of imagination and also unknowing about foreign countries stemmed mainly from the culture and teaching methods. As Pancho had experienced before in Japan, people were not taught to think for themselves. Classes were taught in a head on approach where students were generally expected to just sit around and listen. Naturally this did not work at all with teaching languages as it requires a conscious effort by the learner to think and speak himself.
The situation was complex either way. To a certain extent the culture of Esarn probably had a large influence on things (supposedly ethnic Thais were lazier than the actually hardworking, mainly poor farmers of Esarn), at the same time the general Asian culture of education as well as the countryside life style had an effect on people. Books were hardly read, Pancho had actually only seen very few, TV was watched extensively, while the internet was primarily used to play games. Living in the Esarn countryside required a significant expenditure of energy. People had their jobs such as teachers but were often also farmers or helped their farming relatives in the growing and harvesting of rice. At the same time preparation of food involved a lot of time as fish or frogs would be caught or chicken would have to be slaughtered. In essence not much time or energy remained to expand the barriers of the mind.
An effect this lifestyle had that Pancho noticed quite early on was that the upper classes only had a few male students. Pancho was not clear on whether the students simply chose not to come to classes or whether they had dropped out, however either way this did not bode well for educational levels.
The effect that this cultural seclusion and educational barriers had were noticeable in some classes, where Pancho would repeatedly try to teach the students simple patterns of English language use and yet week after week students would not remember and have to learn everything anew. This was naturally frustrating as Pancho felt no eagerness to further invest time and energy when it was clearly wasted.
Thus Pancho’s experiences are hard to understand if one has not actually experienced the country and people personally. However not understanding how another culture’s brain and thinking method might be different is a valuable lesson to learn in itself. Many people, not only those of Esarn, fail to realize and understand this great difference.

Pursuit of Happiness

Pancho had been in Phunee for a little over a month now. He was due to travel south with some of his foreign friends in a few weeks which meant that he needed to replenish his dwindling cash reserves. For the occasion of his host father’s birthday PIU, his host sister was coming back from Bangkok. That saturday the three children of the family, Piu, Pinball and Pancho were to travel to Ubon together and enjoy a day out.
As there was only one secluded ATM in Phunee, Pancho, thinking ahead as usual, saw this opportunity to retrieve money from his home country. Having had to wait several hours for Pinball to shower and shave, Thai people were very superficially aware, the three finally set off around noon time. Their first stop led them to one of Ubon’s shopping arcades (This was a particularly measly one). Pancho once again having a hinting apprehension of looming disaster was eager to try out his card on one of the ATM machines. Thus while Pinball parked the car adeptly Pancho got out and approached the ATM in the car park. As he had expected, it decided not to dispense any money. In addition it spewed out a cryptic message, in English, that made no sense whatsoever. Some nonsense about the screen being wrong. Just to make sure, Pancho unhopefully tried again. PIU walked past in that moment and her English being exceptionally good for Thai standards he asked her to translate what the machine said in Thai. Her confused expression eventually told him that the Thai message was just as nonsensical.
The three had a slight issue now. Not having any money Pancho could not really do the shopping he had intended to. He especially wanted to buy a cheap guitar for entertainment on his travels. He found several other ATMs but each single one seemed to have some issue or another. Pancho’s heart simply throbbed with love for technology that did not work the way it was supposed to. But what made Pancho truly jubilate was that it was impossible to find out whether it was the ATMs that did not accept the foreign card or whether it was the card that did not function.
Over a Vietnamese Lunch Pancho let the annoyance briefly overcome him. It would be a lot of work to sort this thing out and the real issue was that Ubon was too far away to simply hop over and try it out again.
Eventually resigning to his fate he made the wise decision to just enjoy the day. They would still be able to browse for guitars without buying after all. But before this enjoyable part PIU had to buy her return plane ticket to Bangkok. This was only possible at the actual airport. Pancho found small airports quite fascinating. They felt more like a trainstation that an airport. While PIU rushed inside to purchase her ride home, Pinball and Pancho waited in the car in front of the terminal. Out of nowhere two ladies walked by in front of the car. There being nothing else to do, or to converse about (limited vocabulary tends to have this effect) Pinball asked Pancho whether he thought them pretty. Only having caught a glimpse of them and wanting to position himself tactically soundly (He was not sure whether to be truthful or always say that Thai women were beautiful) He simply said he had not seen properly. The two men not wanting to sit around any longer decided to inspect more closely. They followed the ladies into the terminal. Inside it was easy to tell that not many flights actually left from this airport. The emptiness was nearly overwhelming. Pancho’s X-ray like gaze finally spied the two women standing in front of a bank. Seeing an ATM close beside them his extraordinarily bright self realized that he had a perfectly legitimate excuse to get closer. Thus he casually strolled over to use the ATM. Just having stuck his card into the machine he realized that these women were not at all of his taste. In fact without trying to be rude, they made a very good impression from behind, but their faces were a dire disappointment. Pancho turned away quickly. Not wanting to blow his cover, especially after his little realization, he thought he may as well actually try the ATM. This proved to be a most extraordinary turn of events that not even good old Pancho had anticipated.
And to his amazement the machine actually paid out the required amount of money to him. Pancho could not quite believe it. Overjoyed at being solvent once again and amazed at his luck (or had he just been incredibly unlucky before?) he returned to Pinball, who had evidently made the same observation about the girls.
Thoroughly relieved that Pancho had been spared further hassles in this matter he managed to enjoy the rest of the afternoon thoroughly, including the purchase of a cheap guitar (It turned out that the guitar quality was even cheaper than the price)

Banok, Banok! (Countryside, countryside)

Pancho lived in the country. This was what he believed to be the proper country side in Thailand. Considering there was little else than rice fields around the village one could assume that Pancho was correct, as he usually was.
But as he had experienced so often before, the kingdom of Thailand was full of surprises. On a singularly normal day he was invited by his program coordinator to join another teacher and her in their visit to her sister. This sister’s house, he was informed, was situated in the real countryside. Pancho had no idea what to expect until the car left the highway, then the proper road, then the pothole filled road, then the strange cement road that they have in small countryside villages, and when they even left the usual dusty field road and found themselves traveling along a strip of dust in between fields and jungle he sort of managed to get an inkling of what had been meant. Somewhere along this winding off road track was finally his coordinator’s sister’s house. It was in the middle of the forest. Ponds surrounded it on every side. One of these was actually quite large and clear and used for bathing. However, what impressed Pancho most was the serene quietness of the place. One could hear no cars or any other indications of “civilization”. The House did not even have electricity as Pancho found out. What made people move from a “civilized” job and home in Bangkok to the exact opposite in the country side was somewhat of a mystery to him, however he could definitely understand the beauty and tranquility of the place. Still, having to travel a few kilometers before one even got a glimpse of another person was something he might enjoy on a holiday but not as a constant living situation. Pancho needed people that he could inspire with his greatness. Individuals that he could show the beauty of life to and the supreme ability that one could achieve within. The 10 puppies in this place, called Kapok, Kapek, Kapik, Kadok, Kadek, Kadik... could not really replace this.
None the less Pancho enjoyed his visit in the real country side. He actually noticed that he had completely missed his afternoon classes due to this excursion. In light of the special experience he did not think it was that dramatic, especially since he really doubted that the children actually remembered anything as soon as they left the class room.
One the way home Pancho noticed something for the first time while being in Thailand. He had overseen it many times but afterwards saw them everywhere. It was a hemp plantation. At first Pancho did not quite trust his keen eyesight, but while driving along the dusty tracks he turned his head fully to witness the sight and was more than surprised to see it. Something so blatant would be impossible in most densely populated and “civilized” countries. But here, where things were held more agricultural and the whole village depended on the farmers’ income such things seemed to be the way of life. As Pancho had not witnessed any Thais actually consuming marijuana he guessed that it was cultivated for export. Another western influence on Thailand that seemed to be all about making money.

Weakness? Please...

Pancho, in his insatiable drive for excellence was close to being as perfect as any human could possibly be. He had a vast intellect not measurable by any means. Socially he was so extravagantly adept that not even unconquerable cultural barriers could mask his charm. Physically, he was as good looking as Eros himself. He had the strength of a hundred men and was as quick as lightning. But really, facing the honest truth, even the most perfect of creations could only be as perfect as his surroundings would let him be. For all his incredible and amazing characteristics he had to have some kind of weakness, some kind of feature that gave the rest of the world a chance against this demigod.
He discovered his first weakness in Thailand. It was an earth shattering moment for Pancho’s infinite self esteem. He finally had to make the regrettable discovery that there were dangers that he could succumb to after all. One of these dangers had been for a month now, the Thai food. He had grown used to the taste and being able to stand the relative spiciness of it when he ate it. But his digestive tract had not grown adapted to it with the speed one would hope. If he ate too much of the very spicy foods (and to western standards these would generally count as deadly) he would soon after recognize a feeling of unease in his belly. This would be the inevitable sign that Pancho would have to visit the bathroom a few times until equilibrium was restored. In order to maintain his social image of being invincible Pancho controlled himself in these circumstances and made sure that the effect on him was not noticeable. His unlimited depth of self discipline made this possible. Except for once. This one time, was not solely due to the food being spicy but more along the lines of Pancho falling into the trap of hubris.
He had once again been invited to lunch by his trusted and dear advisor. The meal was to be held at school and delivered from a restaurant.
In Thailand prepared food was always transported in plastic bags adeptly tied together at the top with a rubber band. This was in fact a very effective way of containing the food. The air pressure within the bag protected the food inside while one could keep sauces and so apart until one actually was about to eat it. Additionally any kind of accidents were virtually impossible due to the airtight seal that the rubber bands created.
For this meal Pancho had chosen a food called Suki. It was a seafood dish, mainly prawns, that was mixed with quite a tasty sauce. Pancho not having prepared food before found that the disaster began unfolding at this point. He was not certain as to how much sauce should go on the meal. So as there was the same amount of sauce bags as meals he logically deduced that it was one bag per meal. Hence Pancho dumped the whole bag on the food. His advisors face instantaneously reacted with a look of surprise and then foreboding. Her words in a joking tone told Pancho not to cry due to the spiciness of the sauce. As a matter of fact Pancho’s already toughened taste buds did not find the meal too spicy. And to begin with he was under the impression that there was the right amount of sauce on the food. The more Pancho had eaten however the more he noticed that the sauce was a certain hindrance when trying to taste the rest of the food. But being quite full already his mind did not waste any further energy on this issue.
This saved energy was fully consumed after the end of school. Just while heading home his gut suddenly felt strangely uncomfortable, something Pancho had not felt before. In his glorious life of exuberant joy he had simply never been acquainted with discomfort. And before he knew it, he was using his stunning physique to rush to the toilet at home. Pancho barely made it without accident, but he made it none the less, keeping the slate clean and his unconquerable might intact.
When he had eventually overcome his gut’s few moments of rebellion he thought the matter had been dealt with. But he was mistaken. Not being experienced in such issues of weakness he was all too gullible in believing that things could go back to what they had been before. Pancho had to rush back to the toilet a further 4 times in order to prevent disaster. His digestive system took a further few days till it functioned properly again and he actually had the impression that it took a few weeks longer than that to fully adapt to the Thai food properly or so he thought. One new thing he had learned however. He would certainly not again drop a complete bag of sauce on any meal ever again, without tasting first.