Finally it had arrived. After his first term of teaching in Phunee, the time for exams and holidays was imminent. As Pancho was not involved Exams this meant he actually had two weeks of holidays. The first weekend he had been invited to join the family’s tour bus for a trip to the north of Esarn, to the mountainous province of Loey. Following that he would be off to the Bangkok and the sea to meet some fellow foreigners also teaching in Thailand.
But first, the mountains of Loey called. The tour bus left on the last school day, on Friday afternoon. This meant that Pancho was relieved from the last class of the day (that 130 student behemoth). He dearly regretted not being able to pass on his infinite knowledge to these young moldable minds but he knew that there would be ample opportunity in the long run.
The tour bus left with two of the family workers and a newly employed driver. The trip initially took the four to Roi Et where they “camped out” out at a school overnight in order to depart at about 5am, with their newly arrived guests. Pancho was quite happy to be finally get out of Phunee for a bit, to breathe some of the worldly air, to live life on the road. Little did he know that he was setting out on a tiresome journey that would test his patience and good will to the utmost. The tour bus’s passengers were a Thai language department from the school in Roi Et. The organiser was an old friend of Pancho’s host mother’s which meant he would be well taken care of or so he thought.
The first night was thus spent in the school waiting for the morning to arrive. Bathing was conducted outside on the pavement of the school parking lot. This kind of lavish and luxurious bathing ceremony was not something Pancho was accustomed to, yet with his well placed confidence he had no problem adapting.
Eventually the four men lay down to rest, inside the bus. Pancho was positioned on one of the benches on the upper deck, for it was a double decker bus. Generally speaking he could sleep anywhere, no matter whether the floor was hard or the air was filled with blaring of car horns. This time however he was in for a challenge. The bench was first of all too short for his imploring physique. Thus he was forced to angle his legs in an awkward position. This Pancho mastered with perfection. Additionally the bench was not wide enough for a person to roll around, so changing positions during the night proved challenging. Pancho, with his stupendous patience, could deal with this in a humorous manner. The real issues however arose when he had finally settled down and was trying to find slumber. A horrendous sound rang in his ear. Pancho groaned inwardly. He knew without a doubt, that the bane of restful repose had come to torture him that night. The bus was infested with mosquitoes. Pancho having the delicious blood of a foreigner these bloodsucking beasts assaulted him throughout the night. Additional to the considerable loss of blood, the constant buzz in his ears proved treacherous to any attempt at sleeping. To top of the matter, one of the family worker’s was sleeping beside Pancho on the floor. He was a nice enough fellow and very easy to get along with. And yet this could not prevent a slight annoyance in Pancho. He had never heard such a hideously loud snoring before. Not only was it loud but also utterly uneven, bursting up loudly before stuttering to a halt and slowly gargling to new levels of loudness. These minor inconveniences made it increasingly difficult for Pancho to find repose. And yet, despite the hideous ordeal of being woken an infinite amount of times, Pancho “stood” firm to tell the tale. He was up before dawn to politely stand aside for the arriving guests.
Standing there while the passengers arrived he felt caught between two worlds. Pancho was definitely not one of the usual bus attendants and yet he did not count as one of the guests. Thus thinking it prudent, he chose to retreat into the driver’s cabin.
After having traveled for a few hours the bus made a rest stop. Pancho was now invariably called upon to join the guests by his host mother’s friend. She seemed nice enough and introduced him to the group of teachers playing a card game in the back of the bus. Pancho was quickly integrated into this fiendish circle of gambling craze as the card dealer. He would receive minimum tips every time the guy playing as the bank did well. Pancho initially quite enjoyed this man’s demeanor and air. He was dressed very unlike Thais with a tank top while wearing sunglasses and a stylish hat which he would use as a money basket. He also enjoyed using a phallic symbol to work black magic on the other players in order to jinx the game.
So Pancho managed to relax, trying to figure out the rules of the game. After several hours of playing he had only barely figured it out. The amount of tips he was receiving was becoming considerable however so he thought it wise not to complain. What a marvelous head this Pancho had on his shoulders.
When lunch time came around the bus stopped at a lake with roofed floats that served as eating areas. Pancho, after about 6 hours of dealing cards had quite enough and thought lunch would be a nice break. Yet gambling had become so essential to these poor soles that it even continued during the meal. Again Pancho groaned inwardly, what happened to those simple conversations over meal time, in which Pancho did not understand a word…
After the meal Pancho finally said he had had enough for a while and was gratiously granted repose. This only lasted till they reached the hotel however, where having been invited to share a room with many of the teachers Pancho was recruited as the card dealer yet again.
He was quite happy over his earnings, considering he had expected to spend money instead of earning any, however the constant looking at cards, suits and numbers made his head slightly queasy.
Eventually they sat down for dinner at the hotel. The Karaoke machine was already set up on stage which did not please Pancho quite as much as the prospect of food.
While he sat at the dinner table debating whether to go to the toilet or not, his stomach was feeling under the weather after a very spicy lunch, he was asked by his hostmother’s friend to follow her. And so he did. Outside, in the hallway, Pancho was then quickly inserted into traditional Thai ceremonial clothes without him actually knowing what for. After standing around cluelessly for a few minutes he was finally told to perform a dance together with the 3 students (2 girls and 1 boy) that had accompanied the trip. Despite Pancho’s usual knowledge of ethnic dances from around the world he did not know how to dance this one. However, there was really little choice after having been told without a doubt that he was going to do it. Thus eventually the performers filed into the room to the sound of traditional Thai music and Pancho was simply to copy the boy’s dance moves. In order to understand Pancho’s inner workings at this time one must be clear that this dance is very feminine and any male performing it automatically looks gay. This is naturally not a problem in Thailand as society traditionally accepts such things, but Pancho felt strangely out of place. Especially since he had finally figured out that the guy with the hat who was the ringleader of card players was himself gay. As this man had been put in charge of taking care of Pancho, he naturally felt slightly uncomfortable. However one could not show this in the very non confrontational society of Thailand. One did not show disapproval directly.
In any case the performance was in order to farewell two retiring colleagues who were later given roses by everyone and luckily held very short speeches. There were also additional performances or dances, one of these involved many women and 2 men, who dressed up as women. One of these was the gay man in charge of Pancho.
Naturally he felt again a tad uncomfortable when he was informed that he would share a double bed with this man. This was of course his subjective masculinity speaking here. But realistically he could not share a bed with a female teacher so despite feeling so, he was not being set up.
This did not help his feeling of safety however. He made sure he slept fully clothed, ready to jump up and defend himself.
That night, nothing happened…
But the next morning, thinking she was being one of the funny kind, his hostmother’s friend asked Pancho whether anything had happened last night. For some mysterious reason Pancho did not find this quite as amusing as she did. but there was nothing to be said. They were providing for him and he was their guest without means of escape. So, he had to knuckle down and get through it. He smiled politely and acted all innocently.
The rest of the trip was filled with a few visits to temples as well as beautiful sightseeing spots of mountains. Some of the mountains on this trip were the kind you only get in Asia, that rise like steep cliffs out of seemingly nowhere. These sights were quite to Pancho’s exquisite tastes and compensated only slightly for the ordeals he had to endure.
Eventually the bus started heading back home again and Pancho had finally made a clear statement that he was retiring from the card dealing industry. Never the less the gambling went on and on. Instead Pancho was asked to perform some karaoke songs, which finally he had to give in to. At that point in time he really just wanted to be left alone. In Thailand one would often be paraded around as a foreigner. This could be quite enjoyable, after a while it became nothing more than a nuisance. After all, one did have an own agenda and life to get on with.
The last stretch of the trip was the climax of suffering for Pancho. He was terrorized by two demons so evil that Pancho lacked the words to describe them. They looked all innocent and sweet, but below the cute exterior lay hearts of utter darkness and minds as pitch black as the deepest depths of the universe. They were two little girls, younger than 10. They would ask how to ask something in English from his hostmother’s friend, who sat on the lower deck of the bus and then would race back up and ask Pancho who would answer diligently. Pancho thought this not too bad, though it was a tad annoying after about an hour of it. But before he knew it, the two demons launched their true assault. They seemed to misunderstand the concepts of teacher and student and decided that it was their duty to teach Pancho English... Thus he had to endure their questioning him what different colours were in English. Pancho could not give in to this game. If he did, his soul would be eternally lost. He would have utterly no control over the kids any longer, so he made sure he never did as they told him to.
At this point in time Pancho realized that the two were utterly and completely spoiled little brats and in fact was getting quite annoyed. But of course, with all the people around him, he could not show this out of politeness. So he ensued to bore the kids to death and started playing sudoku on his mobile phone while ignoring anything the kids said.
Eventually this cunning plan worked out and tricked the little devils into fleeing the scene. Nothing was more frightening to them than boredom. And Pancho hugely relieved was able to relax and live the rest of the trip in peace.
Once back home however, utterly exhausted, in the middle of the night, Pancho vowed he would not go on such a tour again. And desperately hoped he would be able to keep his vow. It had been a thorough waste of time and barely enjoyable for a fraction of it.
He was exhilirated to be finally free and soon traveling on his own to meet some foreign friends.
But first, the mountains of Loey called. The tour bus left on the last school day, on Friday afternoon. This meant that Pancho was relieved from the last class of the day (that 130 student behemoth). He dearly regretted not being able to pass on his infinite knowledge to these young moldable minds but he knew that there would be ample opportunity in the long run.
The tour bus left with two of the family workers and a newly employed driver. The trip initially took the four to Roi Et where they “camped out” out at a school overnight in order to depart at about 5am, with their newly arrived guests. Pancho was quite happy to be finally get out of Phunee for a bit, to breathe some of the worldly air, to live life on the road. Little did he know that he was setting out on a tiresome journey that would test his patience and good will to the utmost. The tour bus’s passengers were a Thai language department from the school in Roi Et. The organiser was an old friend of Pancho’s host mother’s which meant he would be well taken care of or so he thought.
The first night was thus spent in the school waiting for the morning to arrive. Bathing was conducted outside on the pavement of the school parking lot. This kind of lavish and luxurious bathing ceremony was not something Pancho was accustomed to, yet with his well placed confidence he had no problem adapting.
Eventually the four men lay down to rest, inside the bus. Pancho was positioned on one of the benches on the upper deck, for it was a double decker bus. Generally speaking he could sleep anywhere, no matter whether the floor was hard or the air was filled with blaring of car horns. This time however he was in for a challenge. The bench was first of all too short for his imploring physique. Thus he was forced to angle his legs in an awkward position. This Pancho mastered with perfection. Additionally the bench was not wide enough for a person to roll around, so changing positions during the night proved challenging. Pancho, with his stupendous patience, could deal with this in a humorous manner. The real issues however arose when he had finally settled down and was trying to find slumber. A horrendous sound rang in his ear. Pancho groaned inwardly. He knew without a doubt, that the bane of restful repose had come to torture him that night. The bus was infested with mosquitoes. Pancho having the delicious blood of a foreigner these bloodsucking beasts assaulted him throughout the night. Additional to the considerable loss of blood, the constant buzz in his ears proved treacherous to any attempt at sleeping. To top of the matter, one of the family worker’s was sleeping beside Pancho on the floor. He was a nice enough fellow and very easy to get along with. And yet this could not prevent a slight annoyance in Pancho. He had never heard such a hideously loud snoring before. Not only was it loud but also utterly uneven, bursting up loudly before stuttering to a halt and slowly gargling to new levels of loudness. These minor inconveniences made it increasingly difficult for Pancho to find repose. And yet, despite the hideous ordeal of being woken an infinite amount of times, Pancho “stood” firm to tell the tale. He was up before dawn to politely stand aside for the arriving guests.
Standing there while the passengers arrived he felt caught between two worlds. Pancho was definitely not one of the usual bus attendants and yet he did not count as one of the guests. Thus thinking it prudent, he chose to retreat into the driver’s cabin.
After having traveled for a few hours the bus made a rest stop. Pancho was now invariably called upon to join the guests by his host mother’s friend. She seemed nice enough and introduced him to the group of teachers playing a card game in the back of the bus. Pancho was quickly integrated into this fiendish circle of gambling craze as the card dealer. He would receive minimum tips every time the guy playing as the bank did well. Pancho initially quite enjoyed this man’s demeanor and air. He was dressed very unlike Thais with a tank top while wearing sunglasses and a stylish hat which he would use as a money basket. He also enjoyed using a phallic symbol to work black magic on the other players in order to jinx the game.
So Pancho managed to relax, trying to figure out the rules of the game. After several hours of playing he had only barely figured it out. The amount of tips he was receiving was becoming considerable however so he thought it wise not to complain. What a marvelous head this Pancho had on his shoulders.
When lunch time came around the bus stopped at a lake with roofed floats that served as eating areas. Pancho, after about 6 hours of dealing cards had quite enough and thought lunch would be a nice break. Yet gambling had become so essential to these poor soles that it even continued during the meal. Again Pancho groaned inwardly, what happened to those simple conversations over meal time, in which Pancho did not understand a word…
After the meal Pancho finally said he had had enough for a while and was gratiously granted repose. This only lasted till they reached the hotel however, where having been invited to share a room with many of the teachers Pancho was recruited as the card dealer yet again.
He was quite happy over his earnings, considering he had expected to spend money instead of earning any, however the constant looking at cards, suits and numbers made his head slightly queasy.
Eventually they sat down for dinner at the hotel. The Karaoke machine was already set up on stage which did not please Pancho quite as much as the prospect of food.
While he sat at the dinner table debating whether to go to the toilet or not, his stomach was feeling under the weather after a very spicy lunch, he was asked by his hostmother’s friend to follow her. And so he did. Outside, in the hallway, Pancho was then quickly inserted into traditional Thai ceremonial clothes without him actually knowing what for. After standing around cluelessly for a few minutes he was finally told to perform a dance together with the 3 students (2 girls and 1 boy) that had accompanied the trip. Despite Pancho’s usual knowledge of ethnic dances from around the world he did not know how to dance this one. However, there was really little choice after having been told without a doubt that he was going to do it. Thus eventually the performers filed into the room to the sound of traditional Thai music and Pancho was simply to copy the boy’s dance moves. In order to understand Pancho’s inner workings at this time one must be clear that this dance is very feminine and any male performing it automatically looks gay. This is naturally not a problem in Thailand as society traditionally accepts such things, but Pancho felt strangely out of place. Especially since he had finally figured out that the guy with the hat who was the ringleader of card players was himself gay. As this man had been put in charge of taking care of Pancho, he naturally felt slightly uncomfortable. However one could not show this in the very non confrontational society of Thailand. One did not show disapproval directly.
In any case the performance was in order to farewell two retiring colleagues who were later given roses by everyone and luckily held very short speeches. There were also additional performances or dances, one of these involved many women and 2 men, who dressed up as women. One of these was the gay man in charge of Pancho.
Naturally he felt again a tad uncomfortable when he was informed that he would share a double bed with this man. This was of course his subjective masculinity speaking here. But realistically he could not share a bed with a female teacher so despite feeling so, he was not being set up.
This did not help his feeling of safety however. He made sure he slept fully clothed, ready to jump up and defend himself.
That night, nothing happened…
But the next morning, thinking she was being one of the funny kind, his hostmother’s friend asked Pancho whether anything had happened last night. For some mysterious reason Pancho did not find this quite as amusing as she did. but there was nothing to be said. They were providing for him and he was their guest without means of escape. So, he had to knuckle down and get through it. He smiled politely and acted all innocently.
The rest of the trip was filled with a few visits to temples as well as beautiful sightseeing spots of mountains. Some of the mountains on this trip were the kind you only get in Asia, that rise like steep cliffs out of seemingly nowhere. These sights were quite to Pancho’s exquisite tastes and compensated only slightly for the ordeals he had to endure.
Eventually the bus started heading back home again and Pancho had finally made a clear statement that he was retiring from the card dealing industry. Never the less the gambling went on and on. Instead Pancho was asked to perform some karaoke songs, which finally he had to give in to. At that point in time he really just wanted to be left alone. In Thailand one would often be paraded around as a foreigner. This could be quite enjoyable, after a while it became nothing more than a nuisance. After all, one did have an own agenda and life to get on with.
The last stretch of the trip was the climax of suffering for Pancho. He was terrorized by two demons so evil that Pancho lacked the words to describe them. They looked all innocent and sweet, but below the cute exterior lay hearts of utter darkness and minds as pitch black as the deepest depths of the universe. They were two little girls, younger than 10. They would ask how to ask something in English from his hostmother’s friend, who sat on the lower deck of the bus and then would race back up and ask Pancho who would answer diligently. Pancho thought this not too bad, though it was a tad annoying after about an hour of it. But before he knew it, the two demons launched their true assault. They seemed to misunderstand the concepts of teacher and student and decided that it was their duty to teach Pancho English... Thus he had to endure their questioning him what different colours were in English. Pancho could not give in to this game. If he did, his soul would be eternally lost. He would have utterly no control over the kids any longer, so he made sure he never did as they told him to.
At this point in time Pancho realized that the two were utterly and completely spoiled little brats and in fact was getting quite annoyed. But of course, with all the people around him, he could not show this out of politeness. So he ensued to bore the kids to death and started playing sudoku on his mobile phone while ignoring anything the kids said.
Eventually this cunning plan worked out and tricked the little devils into fleeing the scene. Nothing was more frightening to them than boredom. And Pancho hugely relieved was able to relax and live the rest of the trip in peace.
Once back home however, utterly exhausted, in the middle of the night, Pancho vowed he would not go on such a tour again. And desperately hoped he would be able to keep his vow. It had been a thorough waste of time and barely enjoyable for a fraction of it.
He was exhilirated to be finally free and soon traveling on his own to meet some foreign friends.
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