As a country fairly different to the civilised western standard, Thailand has a number of gruelling rituals on offer. One stood out especially vividly in Pancho’s exceptional memory.
The date of this occasion was the 09.09.09. Many westerners would choose this memorable date for weddings and all. In Thailand, where the number 9 is considered lucky, this was a day to revere the King and the monks. Accordingly Pancho’s complete school assembled in the sports hall or assembly hall as it was actually called, to face the entire congregation of Phunee’s monks. Despite the village’s population of a mere thousand there seemed to be a vast multitude of monks reaching well into the hundreds.
In any case, ignoring this staggering number, Pancho and his host mother rushed,after arriving regrettably late, into position on one of the spread out orange carpets. The whole school sat on these carpets forming several long rows that reached till the back of the hall. Every person present had a large jar or basket filled to the brim with all sorts of snacks. Pancho had been kindly supplied by his host mother. The ceremony not having started yet everybody sat comfortably cross legged or any other way they fancied.
As the school principle entered the hall and sat down centrally any chatter died down. Pancho’s famously accurate sixth sense now felt an ominous dread overcome him. Not quite able to place the dread however he decided to go with the flow. The microphone was handed to the principle and prayers began. This was finally the signal for everybody in the hall to sit up and kneel, which they accomplished either by sitting with the tops of their feet flat on the ground or by resting on the balls of their feet. Pancho initially tried out both but very quickly found the latter to be slightly less uncomfortable. Prayers now rotated between what seemed to be the head priest and the school’s principle. At intervals the whole congregation would bow low to the ground three times and then return to the kneeling position with hand palms touching each other in prayer. Pancho had never had so much fun.
It only took him a few minutes to understand what that ominous gloom had been a few moments earlier. The Thais seemed thoroughly accustomed to sitting in these truly uncivilised positions. Pancho however had not been engaging in such exercises since birth and an ache not to be underestimated slowly crept up both his legs. Alas, there was nothing to be done. The hum drum of prayer went on. The bowing went on. And Pancho’s brilliant mind went on in the pointless struggle to discover a means of escape…
Suddenly his search for enlightenment was interrupted. Pancho’s hostmother had decided to translate some of the prayers and explain the situation. At this point in time Pancho broke out in a terrible sweat. His legs, ankles and feet felt like they were falling off. He would have been happy to concentrate only on the pain radiating up his limbs but every few seconds he would now also have to nod to signify that he was at least trying to pay attention to his host mother’s words. How Pancho rejoiced in that situation. Being a polite kind of person and in order to save face he could not permit to stir one muscle in his face that could reveal his discomfort. Any weaker soul might have cracked and crumbled under this torturous ordeal, but not Pancho. He kneeled tall and bright above the crowd, a serene emptiness spread across his face paired with the occasional nod of pure understanding that he presented to his followers.
And then it finally ended. After what seemed like an eternity, the monks stood up and slowly queued down the many isles, opening their food bowls to receive the morsels that had been brought.
Pancho gratefully accepted this chance and collapsed elegantly into a cross legged position. His shirt was drenched and his legs still screeched in pain but he was truly happy that the time had finally come to give away all this food to the monks.
Fleeing the scene soon after, the usual morning assembly was still to take place, Pancho found himself in the English department quietly relishing a few moments of painless silence under a refreshing draft from the ceiling fan.
In that moment of peace, Pancho believed he only had the ordeal of teaching left before him that day. But how wrong he was.
Having returned home for a quick afternoon slumber he was awoken to the arrival of several teachers. Among them was his dear advisor who had invited him out to dinner. Not sensing the peril at hand Pancho joined the other 3 teachers in the car as merrily as possible and set out to Ubon. After about an hour’s drive of leisurely talk and relaxed banter they arrived at the restaurant or resort as they are often called in Thailand. In these strange and secretive places an entire room is rented out for dinner, including a karaoke set that is always used without exemption. Arriving at this restaurant Pancho was only mildly surprised to find a multitude of other teachers from his school arriving as well. And after a short while they all crammed into the little room and the food started rolling in.
Having taken a step towards healthier living recently Pancho decided not to drink that night. This constituted the second near fatal error of the day in Pancho’s usually infallible thought process.
Dinner was a trifle, a mere matter of an hour. Everybody seemed to fill up quite quickly. But contrary to Pancho’s hope of a speedy return to the seclusion of his home, what ensued was a type of hideous mental torture one did not encounter all too frequently. The whole karaoke session lasted for a record shattering 6 hours! You, the reader, can imagine what this might be like when one knows and at least understands the songs being sung. Pancho however had soon completely drained the repertoire of English songs available and was thus forth condemned to listen to Thai songs while watching background videos from the 1980’s that kept repeating over and over. The icing on the cake was that there was again absolutely no way of escape. The “party” (these occasions are called parties in Thailand) was organised for the benefit of his advisor. Not only was he required to stay out of mere politeness, but he was well out of reach of getting home on his own. So the two virtues of endurance and fortitude were called upon once again.
With repeated attempts to finish the party, new songs kept popping up ho and fro. The 5 minute doses of anguish added up until the whole group called it a day at around 11pm. Pancho drained of any life energy was mildly delighted. After a few short minutes in the car the proposal was made to make a stop for a light midnight snack. Not too disinclined, dinner having been about five hours ago, Pancho gave a full hearted indication of not really minding.
20 minutes later all four of the car’s passengers sat at a late night restaurant in Ubon with a significant amount of food in front of them.
Thailand’s customs and foods sometimes had a peculiar effect on his stomach. This effect not frequently resulted in a sudden and strong urge to go to the bathroom. Thai traditional bathrooms, as they are still found in most places in Thailand, are squatting toilets with a complementary bucket of water, no flush mechanism and no toilet paper. It is easy to understand why Pancho generally avoided using these facilities. On one occasion he even endured several hours of a bus ride which required immense amounts of concentration.
This time however, with a lot of food before him Pancho saw himself forced to finally submit. How he wished he had visited the bathroom back at that relatively clean karaoke party.
At this point it would be impolite and immoral to go into any graphic details, however it can easily be imagined that this third unpleasant experience completed the day for Pancho. Having eventually reappeared at the table, all clean and suitable to take part in a meal of course, and after battling sleep on the drive back home, Pancho could proudly say that he had proven his capabilities under duress and had grown immensely that day. Not many people could claim to have been tortured repeatedly under such strange circumstance. But naturally, a true gentleman does not brag and so Pancho managed to fall asleep light heartedly knowing that he had stood up to yet another of those strange challenges that Thailand managed to sprout.
The date of this occasion was the 09.09.09. Many westerners would choose this memorable date for weddings and all. In Thailand, where the number 9 is considered lucky, this was a day to revere the King and the monks. Accordingly Pancho’s complete school assembled in the sports hall or assembly hall as it was actually called, to face the entire congregation of Phunee’s monks. Despite the village’s population of a mere thousand there seemed to be a vast multitude of monks reaching well into the hundreds.
In any case, ignoring this staggering number, Pancho and his host mother rushed,after arriving regrettably late, into position on one of the spread out orange carpets. The whole school sat on these carpets forming several long rows that reached till the back of the hall. Every person present had a large jar or basket filled to the brim with all sorts of snacks. Pancho had been kindly supplied by his host mother. The ceremony not having started yet everybody sat comfortably cross legged or any other way they fancied.
As the school principle entered the hall and sat down centrally any chatter died down. Pancho’s famously accurate sixth sense now felt an ominous dread overcome him. Not quite able to place the dread however he decided to go with the flow. The microphone was handed to the principle and prayers began. This was finally the signal for everybody in the hall to sit up and kneel, which they accomplished either by sitting with the tops of their feet flat on the ground or by resting on the balls of their feet. Pancho initially tried out both but very quickly found the latter to be slightly less uncomfortable. Prayers now rotated between what seemed to be the head priest and the school’s principle. At intervals the whole congregation would bow low to the ground three times and then return to the kneeling position with hand palms touching each other in prayer. Pancho had never had so much fun.
It only took him a few minutes to understand what that ominous gloom had been a few moments earlier. The Thais seemed thoroughly accustomed to sitting in these truly uncivilised positions. Pancho however had not been engaging in such exercises since birth and an ache not to be underestimated slowly crept up both his legs. Alas, there was nothing to be done. The hum drum of prayer went on. The bowing went on. And Pancho’s brilliant mind went on in the pointless struggle to discover a means of escape…
Suddenly his search for enlightenment was interrupted. Pancho’s hostmother had decided to translate some of the prayers and explain the situation. At this point in time Pancho broke out in a terrible sweat. His legs, ankles and feet felt like they were falling off. He would have been happy to concentrate only on the pain radiating up his limbs but every few seconds he would now also have to nod to signify that he was at least trying to pay attention to his host mother’s words. How Pancho rejoiced in that situation. Being a polite kind of person and in order to save face he could not permit to stir one muscle in his face that could reveal his discomfort. Any weaker soul might have cracked and crumbled under this torturous ordeal, but not Pancho. He kneeled tall and bright above the crowd, a serene emptiness spread across his face paired with the occasional nod of pure understanding that he presented to his followers.
And then it finally ended. After what seemed like an eternity, the monks stood up and slowly queued down the many isles, opening their food bowls to receive the morsels that had been brought.
Pancho gratefully accepted this chance and collapsed elegantly into a cross legged position. His shirt was drenched and his legs still screeched in pain but he was truly happy that the time had finally come to give away all this food to the monks.
Fleeing the scene soon after, the usual morning assembly was still to take place, Pancho found himself in the English department quietly relishing a few moments of painless silence under a refreshing draft from the ceiling fan.
In that moment of peace, Pancho believed he only had the ordeal of teaching left before him that day. But how wrong he was.
Having returned home for a quick afternoon slumber he was awoken to the arrival of several teachers. Among them was his dear advisor who had invited him out to dinner. Not sensing the peril at hand Pancho joined the other 3 teachers in the car as merrily as possible and set out to Ubon. After about an hour’s drive of leisurely talk and relaxed banter they arrived at the restaurant or resort as they are often called in Thailand. In these strange and secretive places an entire room is rented out for dinner, including a karaoke set that is always used without exemption. Arriving at this restaurant Pancho was only mildly surprised to find a multitude of other teachers from his school arriving as well. And after a short while they all crammed into the little room and the food started rolling in.
Having taken a step towards healthier living recently Pancho decided not to drink that night. This constituted the second near fatal error of the day in Pancho’s usually infallible thought process.
Dinner was a trifle, a mere matter of an hour. Everybody seemed to fill up quite quickly. But contrary to Pancho’s hope of a speedy return to the seclusion of his home, what ensued was a type of hideous mental torture one did not encounter all too frequently. The whole karaoke session lasted for a record shattering 6 hours! You, the reader, can imagine what this might be like when one knows and at least understands the songs being sung. Pancho however had soon completely drained the repertoire of English songs available and was thus forth condemned to listen to Thai songs while watching background videos from the 1980’s that kept repeating over and over. The icing on the cake was that there was again absolutely no way of escape. The “party” (these occasions are called parties in Thailand) was organised for the benefit of his advisor. Not only was he required to stay out of mere politeness, but he was well out of reach of getting home on his own. So the two virtues of endurance and fortitude were called upon once again.
With repeated attempts to finish the party, new songs kept popping up ho and fro. The 5 minute doses of anguish added up until the whole group called it a day at around 11pm. Pancho drained of any life energy was mildly delighted. After a few short minutes in the car the proposal was made to make a stop for a light midnight snack. Not too disinclined, dinner having been about five hours ago, Pancho gave a full hearted indication of not really minding.
20 minutes later all four of the car’s passengers sat at a late night restaurant in Ubon with a significant amount of food in front of them.
Thailand’s customs and foods sometimes had a peculiar effect on his stomach. This effect not frequently resulted in a sudden and strong urge to go to the bathroom. Thai traditional bathrooms, as they are still found in most places in Thailand, are squatting toilets with a complementary bucket of water, no flush mechanism and no toilet paper. It is easy to understand why Pancho generally avoided using these facilities. On one occasion he even endured several hours of a bus ride which required immense amounts of concentration.
This time however, with a lot of food before him Pancho saw himself forced to finally submit. How he wished he had visited the bathroom back at that relatively clean karaoke party.
At this point it would be impolite and immoral to go into any graphic details, however it can easily be imagined that this third unpleasant experience completed the day for Pancho. Having eventually reappeared at the table, all clean and suitable to take part in a meal of course, and after battling sleep on the drive back home, Pancho could proudly say that he had proven his capabilities under duress and had grown immensely that day. Not many people could claim to have been tortured repeatedly under such strange circumstance. But naturally, a true gentleman does not brag and so Pancho managed to fall asleep light heartedly knowing that he had stood up to yet another of those strange challenges that Thailand managed to sprout.
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