Dienstag, 8. September 2009

Food, teaching and other experiences

With the exception of a slight lingering of a persistent cough Pancho was healed. In his prime, he decided to flaunt his physique down the country lanes of Punee.
Despite the certainty of having a body shaped in the classical ideal, Pancho had a twinge of worry when he realised the large amount of food that somehow managed to make its way into his stomach. He had not gained any weight, and yet he trusted his wisdom not to test this exemplary natural advantage to its limit.
His first run in a few months, Pancho did to his dismay notice that his fitness had dropped somewhat. Nothing that couldn’t be fixed and yet it was never a good feeling to fail one’s own standards. And Pancho’s were as high as they get.
That morning he encountered a fellow he had been introduced to before. Past half way mark of his quick jog, a lonely figure appeared around the corner. Quickly the familiar looking fellow caught Pancho’s eye. In seconds he had passed, giving a smiling and friendly greeting on his way. Not being any less polite Pancho returned the greeting and admired this bundle of energy. His name, or his easier shortened name, was Pon. Pancho had had the honour of witnessing some of his Thai boxing skills during a short demonstration. And just one kick to the pads proved that this lad who barely reached the height of Pancho’s shoulder was not somebody enjoyable to mess with. That is of course in comparison to the multitude of brawny men Pancho had knocked out on the streets during his long lifetime. In this case he did not even have the desire to attempt a cheeky unsuspecting shot out of nowhere. Doing battle was one thing when one knew of certain victory. But uncertainty was always a gamble. Not liking to gamble and considering that this matey was about half Pancho’s size, it would be a foolish danger. Even a victory would not reflect well upon our hero. After all he should pick on somebody his own size. Hence, it was always a good idea to be polite and to maintain everybody’s social standing and face.
Soon after returning home form his brisk but refreshing morning walk, following a rejuvinating shower and a hasty breakfast Pancho’s mother stood ready and offered him some Thai cakes. Not one to turn down the possibility of tasty food Pancho obliged. However his eyes chanced to scan the use by date on one of the packets. To his dismay they had been out of date for a while. Normally Pancho was not one to fuss about sweets that were slightly out of date. As long as they tasted the way they were supposed to there was no issue. However, not knowing how these Thai sweets, they had a sweet bean filling, reacted to old age he preferred not to gamble, yet again. A calculated guess would be better maybe. Adept as he was at acting wisely Pancho ate the one cake where the packaging was not bloated. And as was to be expected after such a well calculated decision no consequences ensued, except maybe a slight regret that he had not eaten the second cake as well.
Finally in school that day, the freshly baked teacher would have his work cut out for him. Today was his first day teaching the youngest students. And judging by the fact that the skill of the teacher as well as the students’ increased with age, he was not very hopeful for the class of 12 to 13 year olds. Pancho thought their teacher still in her 20s, it was awfully difficult judging ages with Thai people however. Despite this teacher being quite charmingly pretty he enjoyed the class less than he had anticipated. With the high aims of teaching his students the wonders of Shakespeare and Keats, Pancho felt slightly at odds with reality. In this particular class, the students seemed to not even understand simple questions such as, “how old are you”. This, Pancho could still accept, considering these poor buggers had never heard the beautiful language of English spoken the way it was supposed to be. But despite his infectious good humour he could not help notice a slight hindrance in trying to teach these youngsters a bit of fine western culture. Every time he said something to one of the pupils, instead of using their brains and setting about to decipher this cryptic tongue they took the easy and lazy way out and simply turned towards their beautiful teacher for help. Every time this happened, and it happened a lot, Pancho had to use his most formidable acting skills to hide his dismay behind a mask of joyous content. Eventually, smiling all the way through, he battled his way through a class of utter uselessness and left with the hollow feeling of defeat in the pit of his stomach. But, willing to see the good in everything, it was only his first lesson with those mouldable young minds. There was yet ample time to change the situation to everybody’s advantage.
Pancho’s nerves were to be tested yet again however. Having his second class with one of the graduating year groups Pancho wanted to offer them something up to date and informative. Trying not to overextend their simple grasp of what could be considered only a glimpse of English, he picked an easy news item freshly off the internet press from good old England. It was a short piece on a stray greyhound that had finally been found skulking around on a motorway.
To start off lightly a beaming Pancho wrote out the title and attempted to explain it.
20 minutes later the feat was accomplished. Pancho could honestly believe that the class had understood the title. However he had no way of checking, as neither understood the other and the students were quite unresponsive as usual. A thoroughly positively minded chap however, Pancho steamed ahead with the first sentence. At that point he seemed to hit a brick wall. And this was not any odd brick wall you might hit in a class taught in modern western ways of teaching. This was the great wall of brick walls.
The undertaking proved impossible. None of the English language, so beautifully laid out remained. Towering over the carnage, Pancho tried to direct his despairing troops towards the bright gleaming beacon of understanding by using numerous drawings on the blackboard. But alas, it was to no avail. This day of teaching had been a grim defeat.
After a hearty lunch, the setting gloom lifted a bit. Only two battles had been lost. The war had only just begun. And already the formidable circuitry in Pancho’s skull was whizzing through the multitudes of plans of attack to drive out the enemies of a good grasp of the English language. His first stepping stone had to be to animate his students to dare open their mouths. So the day had not been lost but lessons had been learned, conclusions drawn and hopes had risen once again. With fresh determination Pancho set out.
The next day he was free from the hassles of teaching unresponsive teenagers. After helping in the preparations, he escorted the English department and participants to an English contest at a nearby school. If it had been up to Pancho these youngsters would have had the drills of their lifetime, perfecting their chosen disciplines in a flash. But things did not quite run that way in Thailand and his troops were mustered in a state as good as one could hope.
Eventually at the venue, his fears that preparation had been uncompetitive proved unfounded. The other participants were almost certainly equally unprepared.
Despite these good news Pancho did encounter many setbacks and one first handedly.
Due to his naturally instilled talent at pronouncing words in English Pancho was invited to preside over the spelling competition. In this, he was to read out 10 balloted words each round of three. Knowing full well, that the children were not used to any more or less correct pronunciations it would be an absolute disaster. However he was more than shaken when his own student merely managed to understand and write one single word correctly. Needless to say, she did not survive the first round and actually had the lowest score of them all. Pancho needed some distraction now.
Luckily one of his students did manage reward herself and Pancho for their hard work. This young girl was the one who had enjoyed most of Pancho’s attention the day before. She had been entered in the speech contest and for this had to speak 5 minutes about a chosen topic. Pancho helped correct the prewritten speech and thoroughly pummelled the piece into the kid. Needless to say she did extremely well. Pancho expected no less after his expertly wielded leadership. But, for not really understanding a single word of a well written 5 minute speechn winning a contest was quite a feat. Additionally the girl’s victory would allow her to prove her talent further at a later occasion in the semi finals.
Pancho did also have another distraction. He had been told that another foreign English teacher would be present. So he took special care of looking better than his splendid self that day. It was easy to impress the Thai people who were not used to the looks of a western foreigner. Especially because they thought white skin was beautiful. Foreigners however could tell the difference between effort and laziness.
And finally Pancho caught a glimpse of her, while he was sitting in one of the air-conditioned rooms with his colleagues. He had grown quite fond of air conditioning by now with the murderous heat and all. Actually it was not so much a glimpse as a whim of something passing by. And this whim, though Pancho did not actually see anything was not positive. Pancho’s stupendously accurate intuition was proven right a few hours later. He had been waiting laboriously for all the contestants to finally finish. Sitting outside one of the classrooms where a dictation contest was being held he was offered a proper glance. His hopes of having a faulty intuition sank low. It is important to mention here that Pancho is not a superficial person. Neither does he dislike overweight people in general; however this woman was somebody Pancho did not want to meet. And he could tell so from 20 yards away. She was larger than anyone Pancho had seen in quite a while, and the smug expression on her face paired with the horribly twisted accent that spouted from her fat lips made it impossible to watch without cringing. Pancho had to sigh with relief when their quick departure was announced. A narrow escape from having to hold an awkward conversation.
Sitting safely in the car back home, Pancho thought about why he had had such a strong aversion against a meeting. It was not an admirable thing to have such dislike towards somebody one did not know. However his sharp mind and uncanny reading of people made out the reasons for wanting to flee the scene. Firstly her whole demeanour, unpleasantly self satisfied facial expression and uneducated speech let him understand that a conversation with her would be highly unfulfilling. This most important reason can often be somewhat counteracted in Pancho’s personal opinion. If the opposite had at least some physical charm it was quite possible to simply watch without listening. Secondly however this woman managed the remarkable feat of causing one to want to avert the eyes. Thus there was no reason for looking for an introduction. Pancho’s incredible skills in reading body language and assessing the broader context had saved him from tricky situation. Not being able to express such a politically incorrect thought process openly somewhat saddened Pancho. There were few things more enjoyable than openly failing the insanity of political correctness.
Finally having returned home that day, Pancho was once again invited to a duel of badminton with his father. Knowing full well that his skills were increasing significantly with each match, the offer could not be turned down. This time his father, though being a true master, only narrowly escaped defeat. An invitation to a bottle and a bit of the finest Thai brandy ensued.
Around the same date Pancho’s host brother returned from Bangkok. This fellow being the same age as Pancho himself proposed the hope of some enjoyable pastime approaching. Not to say that his time had not been enjoyable in Thailand. But one has to openly admit that when spent with somebody in similar circumstances (i.e. age) experiences create a stronger bond.
Pancho’s and his brother’s (Pinball) first joint experience was one that was quite memorable.
Driving around Punee they stopped at a restaurant to pick up a tad to eat back at home. On the way it proved evident that communication between Pinball and Pancho was not in the realm of possibility yet. Pancho spoke hardly any Thai, while Pinball did not know any English. Thus not even able to communicate through hands and feet both managed to talk a lot without having a conversation.
What made the experience more memorable however was the point where the pimp mobile they were travelling in suddenly ran out of gas, to the point where it was completely empty. The two were sitting at the side of the road, trying to restart the car when without forwarning the heavens above tore asunder and released an ocean full of water. The rain pelted down. Pancho could see the humour in the situation and even managed to spot a glimmer of hope. Just across the street was a petrol station. Would it now be possible to fill up there?
Simply pointing at the station started the first successful conversation between the two young men. The reply however was far wordier than Pancho’s use of his hand. Pinball replied with a shaking of his head and pointed at the petrol gage. “LPG…. Ubon!”
Pancho’s brilliant mind understood immediately. The car worked on LPG which could only be bought up in Ubon Ratchathani. What joy! They were merely a kilometre away from home, a matter of minutes to walk, but the rain was pelting at such a degree, that standing outside one stood in serious risk of drowning. Additionally they stood in front of a petrol station but had to travel at least 60 kilometres to find the fuel they needed. Sitting back and relaxing Pancho watched this spectacle with good humoured interest. Nothing happened for a while until Pinball got out his phone. To everybody’s relief he had just bought new credit for calls a few minutes earlier. Though not understanding the content of the phone conversation Pancho could tell that matters would be dealt with. A few minutes later he saw the headlights of one of the family’s off road cars appear behind the curtain of rain. Its steel cable for towing cars was attached to the pimp mobile in a few instants. Pinball was still drenched to the bones when he got back in. Pancho had been told to remain in the car considering his cough still lingered.
Eventually both returned home safe and sound. It was a brilliant start to a friendship that would be filled with more such antiques Pancho hoped. This incident was complimented the same evening with an interesting request by Pinball. It had been conveyed to Pancho that Pinball was trying to woo a girl into becoming his girlfriend. His brilliant idea, as Pancho was kind enough to admit, was to convince her by writing a love letter (phone message) in English. Any observant reader would now certainly suggest that this was not possible considering that this fellow spoke not one inkling of the language. But what else had Pancho come to Thailand for than to help and assist those in dire need. Through his mother’s translation skills Pancho understood that the letter was to be as cheesy as remotely possible. To Pancho this felt somewhat strange. Back home a message of that kind would be enough to send a new acquaintance scrambling for safety, in Thailand however it seemed the absolute minimum.
Using his infamously poetic streak Pancho thus expertly crafted a passage so inspiringly dripping with adoration that he himself could not help but feel the rush of love as he read through it.
It goes without saying that this masterpiece fulfilled its purpose expertly. Pancho did wonder how much of the message this girl did understand in the end however.
Additionally Pancho was in for an interesting dinner as well. Sitting at the table in the yard once again, he was surprised to be served something that the others referred to as a snake. Not just any snake either, but a cobra. Not knowing whether to take these comments seriously Pancho inspected the contents of the bowl himself. Judging by the scaly skin, he concluded wisely that he was not after all the subject of an elaborate prank.
A few moments later he had even tasted the meat and decided that it was quite to his liking.
Thus his stay in Thailand had provided Pancho, the snake eating poet, with yet another set of highly unexpected and interesting experiences.

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