Pancho had managed to survive a few weeks since having arrived back from his trip to Koh Chang (Elephant Island). His initial enthusiasm at being back had waned at a considerable rate. However the monotony of country life was often interrupted by various activities. Whether these were enjoyable or not was often a tricky question to ask.
In this case, after much anticipation Pancho was finally to experience his host father’s hobby: The off-road club of Thailand, which he had been a founder of some 20 odd years ago. Due to the remote location of their dwelling attending this event without a doubt required no uncertain amount of traveling.
Before the departure on an official holiday which also happened to be a friday, the school officials had to attend the ceremony of King Rama V’s birthday. For this all the district’s officers (teachers were official government officers) came together on the central field in front of the district head quarters. Each school or office placed a large picture of Rama V with adorning flowers in front of the building to commemorate the dead King. And in the end everybody stood around for a while listening to some surely important speeches (Pancho did not understand them) and generally looking forward to embarking on the long weekend.
Pancho’s hostfather’s (Charterous) initial intention was to leave town at about 9am. Right after the ceremony. Pancho as efficiently as his high percentage of European blood urged him to got up early and made all necessary preparations well in advance. When returning home after the ceremony however Pancho was utterly unsurprised that Charterous was nowhere to be found. The exceptional Thai talent of changing plans at the last minute had once again struck. Pancho went back to “work” at his computer. Work frequently consisting of reading the news and certain commentaries on political as well as economical matters. A true citizen of the world had the duty to stay informed and alert to all developments. How else could one otherwise possibly devise a plan to conquer the world (This was Pancho’s secret and humble plan). All in all however, when Pancho managed to be honest with himself, he had to admit that it was a fantastic and also enjoyable waste of time.
Eventually his father finally arrived back and announced their imminent departure for 12am. Luckily this was the case as Pancho had more or less devoured anything of interest available online).
Once on the road they picked up Charterous’s best friend, Sir Day. After a few hours drive and listening to some old American 60’s and 70’s songs, a welcome break from the constant Esarn whining, they made a stop at a military camping shop. While Charterous and Sir Day were busy browsing for various bits and pieces, such as camouflaged foldable tables or camouflaged foldable field beds or anything camouflaged really, Pancho found it more interesting to have a closer look at the signs and texts printed on the covers of some of the tents and so on. For instance, in between the excessively beautiful camouflage green on one item he found Nazi Germany symbols as well as short texts praising Hitler. Despite the unthinkable nature of this in many so called civilized areas of the world, for the deep well of wisdom and knowledge that Pancho was, there was no surprise. Many Asian countries were educated entirely differently. The people henceforth saw Hitler as a man who achieved great things for his country. Hitler was more a sign of strength than anything else. Pancho had had several conversations about this topic already, educating people that his achievements may have been great, but great in a thoroughly evil and horrible way. Despite such frequent statements of praise only possibly eliciting outrage from westerners Pancho felt more amused by such clear naivety. As a fine tasting connoisseur of all matters politically incorrect, statements such as “I love Hitler, I love Hitler” were the pinnacle of the achievable. Such a simple statement was considerably the strongest manifestation of differences in culture, shared knowledge and upbringing.
After having been on the road for a few more hours and a few shots of whiskey the three finally arrived in Khon Khaen. Here, parked in front of the hotel, Pancho found many fascinating vehicles, but was instantly lead up to the outdoor restaurant with swimming pool. The early evening centered around this location while large amounts of food and alcoholic beverage were consumed. Pancho refrained, for he had an important engagement within a few weeks that did not allow for consumption of such unwholesome evil. He ate the food and quenched his thirst with some of the good old H2O. Closer to midnight, after Pancho had once again been terrorized by mosquitoes, three very lightly clad females emerged from the hotel and started dancing around the pool. This was without question to the delight of all assembled males who started behaving like little boys. Pancho found this spectacle quite enjoyable himself until he was asked to dance with one of the girls. At this point he could not go any further and felt his honour being put in jeopardy.
He had come to the Kingdom on official visit and did not think it wise to have any incriminating photos taken of him. For Pancho realized slyly that that would surely happen if he bowed to their demands. In fact Pancho was acutely aware that such photos could be damaging for any later position he may hold, and he did not want any evidence for personal reasons, thus he refused.
In complete truth however, Pancho was never one to do things when commanded or asked to. Especially such things where the other men around evidently just did not have the nerve to do it themselves. If it did not come from his own initiative he would be as stubborn as a donkey.
At this point the author would like to interject that Pancho’s looks had in no way any resemblance to said animal.
In Thailand and many parts of Asia elders were at the top of the hierarchy. Generally, Pancho with a world of wisdom at his disposal thought this was a very good way of dealing with things. Older people generally held more experience and wisdom. This system however naturally only augmented the usual hierarchy levels at the work place and through out society in which obviously a mayor of a town stood above a farmer, no matter what the age difference.
This system generally worked well but as usual there were exceptions. Pancho was happy to defer authority to his elders at work at school. They had decades of experience in teaching Thai students, however were at times open for help from Pancho which he dispensed enthusiastically in ample amounts. But when it came to matters of leading a life or intellectual and philosophical issues Pancho identified himself undoubtedly far beyond the average. Despite the relatively short years of his life he had mastered the secrets of life as was to be expected of such a gifted individual. He thus found it inappropriate that the members of the off-road club had anything to say to him in terms of how to lead his life or behave when it came to the gentle sex. Pancho could enjoy this display in front of the pool, but he was certainly not one of the riffraff to join in the cajoling and yelping around. Making oneself look like a fool was a method Pancho only used when events required it. At this point there was no reason to do it.
Nevertheless Pancho had an enjoyable time sitting and watching. He had after all been locked up in a little village with nothing much to look at for male eyes. And a man in his prime certainly had natural needs.
Once the ladies left most of the off-road’s club’s members disappeared into the dark of the night. Only a Charterous, Sir Day, Pancho and a few others remained. Charterous was busy engaging a pretty hostess in conversation for quite a while in which he evidently used Pancho to show off (Pancho was not impressed. He was of the opinion that a lady was to be convinced through good looks, a good head and clever conversation, not through showing off who one knew or what on owned). Eventually the last few stragglers made their way to the cars. As usual for Thailand, not being informed of the further plan Pancho thought they were heading to the camping ground but in fact they all piled into a pick up truck and drove to another hotel with a club in the basement.
This was Pancho’s first visit to an officially Thai club. The group was seated as prominence right in front of the stage. Pancho was not so surprised to see the whole club sitting at tables. There was no dance floor. People in Asia just did not tend to dance for recreational purposes.
As soon as they had sat down and gotten their drinks (Pancho decided that if he was to be in a club for next few hours one drink would not do any harm) the show went on and about 10 Thai girls came on stage “dancing”. Pancho at first found this exquisitely amusing. Again they were very lightly dressed. But after about 5 minutes a tad of disinterest began settling in. It was a very strange scene, not unlike a strip club (the women did not take their scant clothing off however), with the exception of the absolute lack of talent and skill of these girls for dancing. Pancho’s companions further behaved the way he had come to expect and the night went on for a while in that way. Pancho could in the end not say that he did not enjoy himself, however he did find the whole situation quite strange and otherworldly.
The most enjoyable event of the whole night was without a doubt when a nearly 2 meter lady boy with huge breast implants and some kind of black marker pen all over his face decided to make a move. In a state of rising panic Pancho wildly made it clear that he was not interested in a conversation or for that matter even looking at the unsavoury appearance.
When they finally left the club in the early morning hours, some of the members conspicuously drunk, Pancho regretted only one thing. Despite his incredibly charming self he had missed the opportunity to ask for contact details of a not uninteresting lady. Impressively she spoke good English, which was understandably a prerequisite to hold a good conversation in Pancho’s case. Then again, he thought wisely, maybe it was for the best. The lighting could be misleading in any night club he attempted to convince himself.
Having squeezed back into the car the group then had a midnight snack consisting of a dish called PadThai. Pancho had had this many times before and was not a big fan of it as it tended to be quite sweet. However he had yet to experience its spicy variant. This one seemed especially so. Soon after eating a few mouthfuls the spiciness made itself felt in his stomach. Pancho had become accustomed to such food here, however he was not very proficient at eating it when it did not have a side dish such as rice to clean the palate. Accordingly he just about managed a quarter before his concern over the state of his stomach took overhand. Luckily his worries proved unfounded. His stomach had acquired a new strength. It could now withstand the assaults of even the spiciest Thai food. This meant that Pancho was, as incredible as it sounded even weeding out the few weaknesses that he had in the first place. Soon his only weakness may well be that he is so terrifyingly perfect.
Following a meager 4 hours of sleep, the morning contained a not uncertain amount of joy. After a short opening speech, the hundreds of cars and trucks of the off-road club event were to drive to various sightseeing spots throughout the day. Charterous had asked Pancho whether he wanted to join the ride on one of the accompanying motorcycles. Not sure whether to say yes, he decided to take the risk and have some fun for once. Life could be quite boring if one never tried anything new. Thus Pancho set out on the back of a chopper for a 40 kilometer ride down the highway. The motorcycles as nimble as they are were thus able to bypass all the traffic and Pancho got a prime view of the full strength that the off-road club had managed to assemble. It was a spectacular sight. Nearly as spectacular as it felt for Pancho to race down the highway at 150km/h without any protection between him and the hot and hard road screaming past below him. He had jolly good old blast.
But due to the lack of helmet after the first stint and the not too infrequently deadly nature of Thai traffic, his responsible side convinced him to return to Charterous’s car and take it easy for the rest of the day. During this time he actually became rather tired, especially including the beer that he had to drink out of courtesy.
Over lunch some of the ring leaders of this rugged band decided to show Pancho something they called Thai style sashimi. This was basically raw meat dipped not into a wasabi soy sauce consistent not of wasabi and soy sauce but of a mixture of onion, water, sugar and many many many scoops of dried chilies. Needless to say, despite Pancho being accustomed to spicy food by now, this sauce was spicier than his amazing propensity for creativity could imagine. Even only dipping the meat into the sauce shortly made Pancho’s mouth weep for 20 minutes. He had to repeat this several times for the camera. Eventually half dazed in pain when he was finally left to his own devices. Not having any weaknesses however, Pancho stood firm.
Later on that day the congregation finally got to the camping ground by a huge lake. The off-road club had also invited a BMX biking club that had built a large ramp and was busy showing off impressive tricks while everybody else was setting up camp. At this camping ground, that had a huge stage with ridiculously loud speakers, Pancho got a taste of his third meal that had the propensity to eat through steel. It was a version of the Somtam as one usually got it in Esarn. Shredded Pappaya in a just a tad spicy sauce. In this case the cooks had outdone themselves. Pancho took a mouthful of what looked like a little papaya in a sea of chili seeds. No problem! It actually tasted jolly good. 30 seconds later, without having eaten any more he was at a loss of words, inhaling and exhaling rapidly to do anything against that slightly uncomfortable feeling in his mouth.
That evening Pancho found himself to be short tempered. It must have been the lack of sleep... Charterous and Sir Day had gotten thoroughly drunk in the afternoon and were thus initially not the jolliest companions. Additionally they thought it proper to send Pancho back and forth to the car to take away this or bring back that. If Pancho had been Thai he would have accepted his role gratefully, after all that is what this society very respectful of their elders is based on. But Pancho was not Thai and due to his temper found it thoroughly annoying that these men could not go and take away or bring back these things themselves, such as shoes or camera chargers.
There was nothing to do be done however. They much less understood Pancho’s cultural background than he understood theirs. So he knuckled down and got on with it. In any case, it was not like he was missing out on anything.
One thing he was not looking forward to that night was the camping. He did not see how it would be comfortable to squeeze into a small tent with three people. He was thus relieved that around 9pm his host father announced to him that they would be leaving as both Sir Day and Charterous had work to attend to back home. Pancho slept virtually throughout the 5 hour car ride, including the midnight meal they had.. Finally in his own bed it was once again home sweet home for Pancho. As fun as these events were, nothing beat coming back to the ease of home.
In this case, after much anticipation Pancho was finally to experience his host father’s hobby: The off-road club of Thailand, which he had been a founder of some 20 odd years ago. Due to the remote location of their dwelling attending this event without a doubt required no uncertain amount of traveling.
Before the departure on an official holiday which also happened to be a friday, the school officials had to attend the ceremony of King Rama V’s birthday. For this all the district’s officers (teachers were official government officers) came together on the central field in front of the district head quarters. Each school or office placed a large picture of Rama V with adorning flowers in front of the building to commemorate the dead King. And in the end everybody stood around for a while listening to some surely important speeches (Pancho did not understand them) and generally looking forward to embarking on the long weekend.
Pancho’s hostfather’s (Charterous) initial intention was to leave town at about 9am. Right after the ceremony. Pancho as efficiently as his high percentage of European blood urged him to got up early and made all necessary preparations well in advance. When returning home after the ceremony however Pancho was utterly unsurprised that Charterous was nowhere to be found. The exceptional Thai talent of changing plans at the last minute had once again struck. Pancho went back to “work” at his computer. Work frequently consisting of reading the news and certain commentaries on political as well as economical matters. A true citizen of the world had the duty to stay informed and alert to all developments. How else could one otherwise possibly devise a plan to conquer the world (This was Pancho’s secret and humble plan). All in all however, when Pancho managed to be honest with himself, he had to admit that it was a fantastic and also enjoyable waste of time.
Eventually his father finally arrived back and announced their imminent departure for 12am. Luckily this was the case as Pancho had more or less devoured anything of interest available online).
Once on the road they picked up Charterous’s best friend, Sir Day. After a few hours drive and listening to some old American 60’s and 70’s songs, a welcome break from the constant Esarn whining, they made a stop at a military camping shop. While Charterous and Sir Day were busy browsing for various bits and pieces, such as camouflaged foldable tables or camouflaged foldable field beds or anything camouflaged really, Pancho found it more interesting to have a closer look at the signs and texts printed on the covers of some of the tents and so on. For instance, in between the excessively beautiful camouflage green on one item he found Nazi Germany symbols as well as short texts praising Hitler. Despite the unthinkable nature of this in many so called civilized areas of the world, for the deep well of wisdom and knowledge that Pancho was, there was no surprise. Many Asian countries were educated entirely differently. The people henceforth saw Hitler as a man who achieved great things for his country. Hitler was more a sign of strength than anything else. Pancho had had several conversations about this topic already, educating people that his achievements may have been great, but great in a thoroughly evil and horrible way. Despite such frequent statements of praise only possibly eliciting outrage from westerners Pancho felt more amused by such clear naivety. As a fine tasting connoisseur of all matters politically incorrect, statements such as “I love Hitler, I love Hitler” were the pinnacle of the achievable. Such a simple statement was considerably the strongest manifestation of differences in culture, shared knowledge and upbringing.
After having been on the road for a few more hours and a few shots of whiskey the three finally arrived in Khon Khaen. Here, parked in front of the hotel, Pancho found many fascinating vehicles, but was instantly lead up to the outdoor restaurant with swimming pool. The early evening centered around this location while large amounts of food and alcoholic beverage were consumed. Pancho refrained, for he had an important engagement within a few weeks that did not allow for consumption of such unwholesome evil. He ate the food and quenched his thirst with some of the good old H2O. Closer to midnight, after Pancho had once again been terrorized by mosquitoes, three very lightly clad females emerged from the hotel and started dancing around the pool. This was without question to the delight of all assembled males who started behaving like little boys. Pancho found this spectacle quite enjoyable himself until he was asked to dance with one of the girls. At this point he could not go any further and felt his honour being put in jeopardy.
He had come to the Kingdom on official visit and did not think it wise to have any incriminating photos taken of him. For Pancho realized slyly that that would surely happen if he bowed to their demands. In fact Pancho was acutely aware that such photos could be damaging for any later position he may hold, and he did not want any evidence for personal reasons, thus he refused.
In complete truth however, Pancho was never one to do things when commanded or asked to. Especially such things where the other men around evidently just did not have the nerve to do it themselves. If it did not come from his own initiative he would be as stubborn as a donkey.
At this point the author would like to interject that Pancho’s looks had in no way any resemblance to said animal.
In Thailand and many parts of Asia elders were at the top of the hierarchy. Generally, Pancho with a world of wisdom at his disposal thought this was a very good way of dealing with things. Older people generally held more experience and wisdom. This system however naturally only augmented the usual hierarchy levels at the work place and through out society in which obviously a mayor of a town stood above a farmer, no matter what the age difference.
This system generally worked well but as usual there were exceptions. Pancho was happy to defer authority to his elders at work at school. They had decades of experience in teaching Thai students, however were at times open for help from Pancho which he dispensed enthusiastically in ample amounts. But when it came to matters of leading a life or intellectual and philosophical issues Pancho identified himself undoubtedly far beyond the average. Despite the relatively short years of his life he had mastered the secrets of life as was to be expected of such a gifted individual. He thus found it inappropriate that the members of the off-road club had anything to say to him in terms of how to lead his life or behave when it came to the gentle sex. Pancho could enjoy this display in front of the pool, but he was certainly not one of the riffraff to join in the cajoling and yelping around. Making oneself look like a fool was a method Pancho only used when events required it. At this point there was no reason to do it.
Nevertheless Pancho had an enjoyable time sitting and watching. He had after all been locked up in a little village with nothing much to look at for male eyes. And a man in his prime certainly had natural needs.
Once the ladies left most of the off-road’s club’s members disappeared into the dark of the night. Only a Charterous, Sir Day, Pancho and a few others remained. Charterous was busy engaging a pretty hostess in conversation for quite a while in which he evidently used Pancho to show off (Pancho was not impressed. He was of the opinion that a lady was to be convinced through good looks, a good head and clever conversation, not through showing off who one knew or what on owned). Eventually the last few stragglers made their way to the cars. As usual for Thailand, not being informed of the further plan Pancho thought they were heading to the camping ground but in fact they all piled into a pick up truck and drove to another hotel with a club in the basement.
This was Pancho’s first visit to an officially Thai club. The group was seated as prominence right in front of the stage. Pancho was not so surprised to see the whole club sitting at tables. There was no dance floor. People in Asia just did not tend to dance for recreational purposes.
As soon as they had sat down and gotten their drinks (Pancho decided that if he was to be in a club for next few hours one drink would not do any harm) the show went on and about 10 Thai girls came on stage “dancing”. Pancho at first found this exquisitely amusing. Again they were very lightly dressed. But after about 5 minutes a tad of disinterest began settling in. It was a very strange scene, not unlike a strip club (the women did not take their scant clothing off however), with the exception of the absolute lack of talent and skill of these girls for dancing. Pancho’s companions further behaved the way he had come to expect and the night went on for a while in that way. Pancho could in the end not say that he did not enjoy himself, however he did find the whole situation quite strange and otherworldly.
The most enjoyable event of the whole night was without a doubt when a nearly 2 meter lady boy with huge breast implants and some kind of black marker pen all over his face decided to make a move. In a state of rising panic Pancho wildly made it clear that he was not interested in a conversation or for that matter even looking at the unsavoury appearance.
When they finally left the club in the early morning hours, some of the members conspicuously drunk, Pancho regretted only one thing. Despite his incredibly charming self he had missed the opportunity to ask for contact details of a not uninteresting lady. Impressively she spoke good English, which was understandably a prerequisite to hold a good conversation in Pancho’s case. Then again, he thought wisely, maybe it was for the best. The lighting could be misleading in any night club he attempted to convince himself.
Having squeezed back into the car the group then had a midnight snack consisting of a dish called PadThai. Pancho had had this many times before and was not a big fan of it as it tended to be quite sweet. However he had yet to experience its spicy variant. This one seemed especially so. Soon after eating a few mouthfuls the spiciness made itself felt in his stomach. Pancho had become accustomed to such food here, however he was not very proficient at eating it when it did not have a side dish such as rice to clean the palate. Accordingly he just about managed a quarter before his concern over the state of his stomach took overhand. Luckily his worries proved unfounded. His stomach had acquired a new strength. It could now withstand the assaults of even the spiciest Thai food. This meant that Pancho was, as incredible as it sounded even weeding out the few weaknesses that he had in the first place. Soon his only weakness may well be that he is so terrifyingly perfect.
Following a meager 4 hours of sleep, the morning contained a not uncertain amount of joy. After a short opening speech, the hundreds of cars and trucks of the off-road club event were to drive to various sightseeing spots throughout the day. Charterous had asked Pancho whether he wanted to join the ride on one of the accompanying motorcycles. Not sure whether to say yes, he decided to take the risk and have some fun for once. Life could be quite boring if one never tried anything new. Thus Pancho set out on the back of a chopper for a 40 kilometer ride down the highway. The motorcycles as nimble as they are were thus able to bypass all the traffic and Pancho got a prime view of the full strength that the off-road club had managed to assemble. It was a spectacular sight. Nearly as spectacular as it felt for Pancho to race down the highway at 150km/h without any protection between him and the hot and hard road screaming past below him. He had jolly good old blast.
But due to the lack of helmet after the first stint and the not too infrequently deadly nature of Thai traffic, his responsible side convinced him to return to Charterous’s car and take it easy for the rest of the day. During this time he actually became rather tired, especially including the beer that he had to drink out of courtesy.
Over lunch some of the ring leaders of this rugged band decided to show Pancho something they called Thai style sashimi. This was basically raw meat dipped not into a wasabi soy sauce consistent not of wasabi and soy sauce but of a mixture of onion, water, sugar and many many many scoops of dried chilies. Needless to say, despite Pancho being accustomed to spicy food by now, this sauce was spicier than his amazing propensity for creativity could imagine. Even only dipping the meat into the sauce shortly made Pancho’s mouth weep for 20 minutes. He had to repeat this several times for the camera. Eventually half dazed in pain when he was finally left to his own devices. Not having any weaknesses however, Pancho stood firm.
Later on that day the congregation finally got to the camping ground by a huge lake. The off-road club had also invited a BMX biking club that had built a large ramp and was busy showing off impressive tricks while everybody else was setting up camp. At this camping ground, that had a huge stage with ridiculously loud speakers, Pancho got a taste of his third meal that had the propensity to eat through steel. It was a version of the Somtam as one usually got it in Esarn. Shredded Pappaya in a just a tad spicy sauce. In this case the cooks had outdone themselves. Pancho took a mouthful of what looked like a little papaya in a sea of chili seeds. No problem! It actually tasted jolly good. 30 seconds later, without having eaten any more he was at a loss of words, inhaling and exhaling rapidly to do anything against that slightly uncomfortable feeling in his mouth.
That evening Pancho found himself to be short tempered. It must have been the lack of sleep... Charterous and Sir Day had gotten thoroughly drunk in the afternoon and were thus initially not the jolliest companions. Additionally they thought it proper to send Pancho back and forth to the car to take away this or bring back that. If Pancho had been Thai he would have accepted his role gratefully, after all that is what this society very respectful of their elders is based on. But Pancho was not Thai and due to his temper found it thoroughly annoying that these men could not go and take away or bring back these things themselves, such as shoes or camera chargers.
There was nothing to do be done however. They much less understood Pancho’s cultural background than he understood theirs. So he knuckled down and got on with it. In any case, it was not like he was missing out on anything.
One thing he was not looking forward to that night was the camping. He did not see how it would be comfortable to squeeze into a small tent with three people. He was thus relieved that around 9pm his host father announced to him that they would be leaving as both Sir Day and Charterous had work to attend to back home. Pancho slept virtually throughout the 5 hour car ride, including the midnight meal they had.. Finally in his own bed it was once again home sweet home for Pancho. As fun as these events were, nothing beat coming back to the ease of home.
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